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Simpson's, The Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
25630 Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known...then went crazy as a loon. (full quote)
  To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. (full quote)
28874 1) I can't believe Krusty is really gone. 2) Don't worry son. I'm sure he's in heaven right now laughing it up with other celebrities. John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Josef Stalin...(sighs) I wish I were dead. (full quote)
28874 1) Come on TV give me some of that sweet, sweet pep. TV) now are we talking realignment or reapportionment? 1)(groans) TV) We interrupt this public affairs program, to bring you a football game 1) Yes! (full quote)
28874 1) Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? 2) Don't worry sweatheart. If I'm wrong I'll recant on my deathbed. (full quote)
28874 Aaaaaugh! [finds himself in the middle of a fire] What do I do? What do I do? ...Oh, the song. The song. [sings] When the fire starts to burn, There's a lesson you must learn. Something something, then you'll see: You'll avoid catastrophe! ...D'oh! (full quote)
  its not me thats crzy its the tv thats crazy! (full quote)
  mmm something (full quote)
  p1:doh!P2:a deer P3:a female deer! (full quote)
  Bart:ow Principal:it my shorts young man! (full quote)
28874 1) I used to party all night, and sleep with lingerie models. Until Ned and his bible group showed me I could have more. 2) Professional athletes, always wanting more. (full quote)
28874 1) I'd love to honey, but daddy has to go to a beer drinking contest today. 2) Think you'll win? 1) Son, when you participate in sporting events it's not weather you win or lose, it's how drunk you get. (full quote)
28874 Son) Uh, It's hard for us to leave when your standing there mom. Father) Push her down son. (full quote)
28874 1) (talking on the phone) I want the elephant. Dad) (laughs) Stick it to the man...NO wait, we'll call you back. Bart with 10,000 dollars we'd be millionaires. We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love. (full quote)
28874 1) Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now, isn't there something you'd like to say? 2) There sure is. Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try. (full quote)
28874 1) I beat the smart kids, I beat the smart kids (trips). I bent my Wookie. (full quote)
28874 Father) Maggie, can you point to the monkey? Maggie)(Points at her father) Father) Pffffft what do babies know? 3) Maggie can you point to the credenza? Maggie) (points to the credenza) Father) D'OH! (full quote)
28874 1) No TV and no beer make Homer something something... 2) Go Crazy? 1) Don't mind if I do. (full quote)
28874 1) Television! teacher, mother, secret lover. Urge to kill fading, fading, fading, RAISING, fading, fading, gone. (full quote)
28874 1) I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff... and I want in. (full quote)
28874 1) Why don't people like me Marge? 2) Hmmm, everyone likes you, you're a wonderful person. 1) Then why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?! (full quote)
28874 1) I always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is, and it's me. (full quote)
28874 1) Try to be nice to my sisters, very hard on me to have you fighting all the time 2) Oh okay Marge, I'll get along with them, then I will hug some snakes. YES, I will hug and kiss some poisonous SNAKES! Now that's sarcasm. (full quote)
28874 1) That's a wonderful thing you did for my sisters. 2) I didn't do it for them, I did it for you Marge. I'd kill for you, please ask me to kill for you. (full quote)
28874 1) Kids, you tried your best, and failed miserably. The lesson is never try. (full quote)
28874 1) I bent my wookie. (full quote)
28874 1) Hmmmm I guess Bart's not to blame. He's lucky too, because it's spanking season, and I've got a hankerin' for some spankerin'. (full quote)
28874 1) You have the right to remain silent. 2) I choose to wave that right. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. (full quote)
28874 1) what do I get? what do I get? It's not another punch in the face is it? Because if it is I don't want it. (full quote)
28874 (horn honking) 1) Shut up. (horn honking) 1) I'm over as far as I can go. (horn honking) 1) All right, all right, I'll walk in the mud! (full quote)
28874 1) 8:58, first time I've ever been early for work. Except for all those daylight savings days, lousy farmers. (full quote)
28874 1) To start press the any key. Where's the any key? I see esc, catarl, and pig-up. There doesn't seem to be any any key. Whew, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a tab. Whoop! No time for that now, the computer's starting. (full quote)
28874 1) These uniforms suck. 2) Bart, where do you pickup words like that? 3) (on the phone) Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. 2) homer! Watch your mouth. 3) I've got to go, my damn weiner kids are listening. (full quote)
28874 1) Mmmmmmmm open faced club sand wedge. (full quote)
28874 1) Well Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre. 2) Yeah well Scooby-Doo can do-do, but Jimmy Carter is smarter. (full quote)
  I'm from Canada and they think I'm slow, eh? (full quote)
  everthing's coming up Millhouse (full quote)
  Taste's like burning (full quote)
  Go Banana!! (full quote)
  woman: I'll have a coffee please man: Beer? woman: no, a cO-fEE man: Be-Er woman: C....O man: B....E (full quote)
  I am so smart!! I am so smart!! s-m-r-t!! I mean s-m-a-r....T (full quote)
  1. Yeah nice try narc. 2. Who's the narc? 3. The fat Jamacan dude (full quote)
  man: I'm smarter then the devil, I'm smarter then the devil devil: YOU ARE NOT smartER THEN ME (full quote)
  All I'm high on is love, love for my son and daughters, yes sirie I'll I need is a little LSD (full quote)
  I am evil homer!! I am evil homer!! (full quote)
  (son 1) He's Gaining on us. (son 2)I'm Scared. (Maud)C'mon Ned move this thing. Ned)I can't! It's a geo!! (full quote)
  It's beautiful homer, you really are an artist!! I just wish Jasper Johs didn't steel my boat!! (full quote)
28874 1) Ahhh, I love these lazy Saturdays. 2) It's Wednesday homer. 1) AHHH work! (full quote)
28874 I love these real Saturdays, so relaxing. Not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired. (full quote)
28874 1) I'd really like to give it a try. 2) I don't know Marge, trying is the first step towards failure. (full quote)
28874 She needs premium dude. premium! DUDE! (full quote)
28874 Man) (Girlish scream) Purple drapes, all my life I've wanted purple drapes. (full quote)
28874 Policeman) I got a few complaints that your game is crooked. 2) Hehehehe and how. Policeman) Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we could reach a little understanding here. 2)(blankly) I understand. 3) Uh, hey dad I...I think he wants- 2) Not right now son, daddy's talking to a policeman. Policeman) Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend 'bill.' Have you seen any 'bills' around here? 2) No, he's Bart. Policeman) (groans) Listen carefullly. And watch me wink as I speak, okay? 2) Okay. Policeman) The guy I'm really looking for, wink. Is Mr. Bribe, wink wink. 2) It's a ring toss game. Policeman) That's it, I'm shutting this game down. (full quote)
28874 1) homer that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again. 2) That's not the way she tells it. (full quote)
28874 1) The school nurse says Bart has the plague. 2) It's like the measles, good to get it out of the way. (full quote)
28874 1) Do we want Old Man Patterson with his finger on the button? 2) what Button?! what the hell are you talking about?! 1) Wha-wha-wha-what button? Where am I? Who took my false teeth? (full quote)
28874 You know, I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you made. You're screwed. Thank you, bye. (full quote)
28874 To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. (full quote)
28874 1)I got around to reading the dictionary, turns out the zebra did it. (everyone laughs but homer) homer) I don't get it. 3) Dad, the zebra didn't do it. It's just a word at the end of the dictionary. homer) I still don't get it. 3) It's just a joke. homer) Oh, I get it, I get jokes hahahahaha. (full quote)
28874 1) Four drink minimum?! 2) I'll cover ya honey. (full quote)
28874 I hope he tells us to burn our pants. These things are driving me nuts. (full quote)
28874 This is our last chance to bone up, and bone we will. (full quote)
28874 Do you kids want to be like the real U.N.? Or do you just want to squabble and waste time? (full quote)
28874 Good luck Ralphie. If your nose starts bleeding, it means your picking it too much...or not enough. (full quote)
28874 Go banana! (full quote)
28874 1) How many monkey butlers will there be? 2) One at first, but he'll train others. (full quote)
28874 I eated the purple berries. (full quote)
28874 They taste like burning. (full quote)
28874 So, the children learned to function as a society. And eventually they were rescued by, oh...let's say...Moe. (full quote)
28874 Must kill Moe. Wheeeeeee! Must kill Moe. Wheeeeeee! (full quote)
28874 good thing don't end with 'eum.' They end in 'mania' or 'teria.' (full quote)
28874 houston, we have a booger. (full quote)
28874 1) Maybe he needs some real friends. 2) Sure, we'd all love some real friends, Marge. But what are the odds of that happening? (full quote)
28874 1) Your graduate degrees more than qualify you to be assistant janitor. But I am a bit troubled by your constant attempts to murder people. (full quote)
28874 Nothing beats the hobo life, stabbing people with my hobo knife. (full quote)
28874 1) Rakes, my old archenemy. 2) I thought I was your archenemy. 1) I have a life outside of you. (full quote)
28874 1) You should have left for work an hour ago. 2) They said if I came in late again I'm fired. I can't take that chance. (full quote)
28874 That's a pretty big caboose for a baby. (full quote)
28874 I always pictured the kids dying in the living room. (full quote)
28874 1) You see how quickly your baby could have been drinking this, Similac baby Formula. 2) Nooooooooooo! (full quote)
28874 Professor Frink) Pie is exactly 3! Scientists) (gasps) (full quote)
28874 Nelson) (singing) I've got to spell out what you mean to me... Ralph) (singing deeply) Cause I can no longer be...a silent G. (full quote)
28874 1) Lieutenant Smash! 2) That's right, Lieutenant L.T. Smash. (full quote)
28874 You are Ngongo now! (full quote)
28874 Ahhh! A hungry hungry hippo! (full quote)
28874 1) Me love beer. Robot) (corrects) I love beer. 1) Oh, he loves beer, here little fella. 3) Dad, no! Robot) Error! 1) I'm sorry, I thought he was a party robot. (full quote)
28874 goodnight Maude, I mean Muade, I mean Rachel, I mean Muaude. (full quote)
28874 goodnight Maude, I mean Muade, I mean Rachel, I mean Muaude. (full quote)
28874 I'm so hungry, I could eat at Arby's. (full quote)
28874 Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not wheather you win or lose. It's how drunk you get. (full quote)
28874 My name is Otto, and I love to get blotto. (full quote)
28874 1) Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig? 2) Not to mention looking like a pig, eating like a pig... (full quote)
28874 1) The real heroes are out there toiling day and night on more important things. 2) Television? (full quote)
28874 Wife) They could force us to commit wanton acts of carnality. Husband) (to himself) Yeah, that'll be the day. (full quote)
28874 1) Come on, give us some candy. Don't pretend you're not home. 2) Dad, that's our house. 1)...She's a witch! (full quote)
28874 1) (Sighs) I wish I had an elephant. 2) You did, his name was Stampy. You loved him. 1) Oh, yeah. (full quote)
28874 1) Pfffft facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. (full quote)
28874 1) what the hell are we going to do with 10,000 angel ashtrays? Boy) I could take up smoking. 2) You damn well better. (full quote)
28874 1) You know she's only fattening you up so she can eat you. 2) Eh, what are ya gonna do? 1) Well at least stop basting yourself. (full quote)
28874 1) Sleep tight my beloved, you're my ticket out of this hellhole. 2) homer! 1) Sorry, our ticket out of this hellhole. (full quote)
28874 1) The firm declared super duper banktrupcy. Which is terrible news for the company's only stock holder, homer Simpson. (full quote)
28874 1) When did we become the bottom rung of society? 2) I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos. (full quote)
28874 1) I wish you hadn't sawed off my roof. 2) My car your roof it's only fair. 1) But it's my car. 2) Well, yeah. (full quote)
28874 1) Hey whatever happened to the plow from your old snow plow business? 2) I never had a snow plow business. 1) Sure you did, Mr. Plow, you're wearing the jacket right now. 2) I think I know my own life Ned. (singing to himself) Call Mr. Plow that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow. (full quote)
28874 (Thud) Flanders) Oh, I think we hit something. 2) I hope it was Flanders hahahahaha...I'm joking...hey, you're all right. (full quote)
28874 1) I'm just saying, you feel threatened by Bart, but it's all in your head. 2) You're right, but just to be safe, maybe I should chain him up. (full quote)
28874 1) There's a lesson here for all of us. It's better to watch stuff, then to do stuff. (full quote)
28874 1) Yeah, I was at the flower shop too. Yep, getting drunk at the old flower shop. (full quote)
28874 1) That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. 2) She's not afraid of bunnies. 1) She will be. (full quote)
28874 1) Don't ya hate pants? (full quote)
28874 1) I throw myself on the mercy of the food court. (full quote)
28874 1) Because when all is said and done...PRISON RODEO (full quote)
28874 1) The satisfaction of helping another human being, is all the thanks I et cetera. (full quote)
28874 1) And I gave that man directions, even though I didn't know the way. Because that's the kind of guy I am this week. (full quote)
28874 1) It tastes like burning. (full quote)
28874 1) My cat's breath smells like cat food. (full quote)
28874 1) My worm jumped in my mouth and I ate it, can I have a new one? (full quote)
28874 1) Is this the executive office of the ballclub? 2) Nope, this is the equipment shed. 1) Is that it? 2) That's where we keep the water heater. 1) Is... 2) That's a tractor 1) I see. (full quote)
28874 Oh, look at me, I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane. (full quote)
28874 Father) On your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the advice of my father...(flashback) Grandpa) You're dumb as a mule, and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it. (full quote)
  I would make it my business to be a third wheel (full quote)
  (Mr.Burns,Smithers,Carl and Lenny wathing the angrydad show in the net) Homer:(Laughing)That guy are hilarious!I a specialy like white shirt and blue pants...Wait a second...Angry Dad is me! Lenny:Yeah.Didnt you know? You have been famous for hour now. Carl:You are moust looking non-porno site! Lenny:What makes you top trillion over-all... Homer: what kind of moster humiliating like this? (after angrydad show follow the commerial, where bart voice say: this material was in by bartoon prentacion.disturbed by a carumba entairment.Angry dad: (roaring:)aaargghh!Homer get furios.) Homer:That little..Aaaaaaaaarrrgghh!(Homer jump in the car and drive in home)Homer:That stupid Bartoon...Hey,Bartoon,that,s glever,hihi.. Im gonna kill him! (full quote)
  (homer,s submarine has been attack and broblems are huges) Moe:We losing power.We losing back power!We got nothing except moonlight here!(homer start do dance,BUTT after everybody wath him,he stoped.) homer:Okei relax,captain know what to do. Barney:You just shot captain out in torpedo-tunnel! homer:D,OH! (full quote)
28874 They won't let me in the big people library downtown, there was some ... unpleasantness, I can never go back. (full quote)
28874 1) I'm sure I'd be a third wheel. 2) Oh ho, no siree we'd be happy as hens-- 1) I would make it my business to be a third wheel. (full quote)
28874 1) All clear everyone. 2) Dad no, this may just be the eye of the hurricane. 1) Relax can't you see how eerily calm it is? (full quote)
28874 1) homer you are the worst human being I have ever met. 2) Hey I got off pretty easy. (full quote)
28874 You've got to help us Doc. We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas. (full quote)
28874 1) Maximum hostility factor. 2) I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry. (full quote)
28874 Homer) Okay guys I've got a secret play I've been saving for the Olympics, or possibly the Final four. And it goes something like this. All right, skinner, I want you to block out Carl. Moe, you can take the rest of them. Homer you take Groundskeeper Willie. No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie. Yes you are, are you a team player or not? (full quote)
28874 1) Now how did this happen? 2) Maybe a little morphine will refresh my memory. I don't know, I'm still a little hazy. Oh yeah! Now I remember it like it was yesterday. 1) It happened today. 2) Hey man, you're harshing my buzz. (full quote)
28874 Uh-oh now a barrage of pretzels knocking Whitey unconscious. (full quote)
28874 Marge needs help. And God knows I'm not the man to provide it. (full quote)
28874 Hey Fat Tony, you still with the Mafia? (full quote)
28874 1) You mean the mob did me a favor only to get something in return? Oh, Fat Tony...I will say good day to you sir. 2) Okay, I will go. (leaves) Hey, wait a minute. (full quote)
28874 1) homer did you tell the Mafia they could eliminate my competitors with savage beatings and attempted murder? 2) In those words...Yes. (full quote)
28874 1) He's outside digging. 2) Probably digging for drugs. 1) There's no drugs out there. 2) No...of course not. (full quote)
28874 Turkeys...the only animal smarter than man. (full quote)
28874 1) Okay search party before we set out let's take a moment to humor the children. Kids, your father's going to be just fine. Okay everybody put on your corpse handling gloves. We've got two frozen bodies buried somewhere in this mountain. 2) Didja hear that Lis? Dad's going to be just fine. (full quote)
28874 Dear Lord, please protect the rocket house, and all who dwell within the rocket house. (full quote)
28874 Oh dear, I've redork-ulated. (full quote)
28874 1) Oh, it's just an old shopping cart. 2) And it's empty. Put it back, i don't want to see it this way. (full quote)
28874 Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. (full quote)
28874 Ain't that cute? makes little Debbie look like a pile of puke. (full quote)
28874 Well I hoped you learned your lesson Lisa. Never help anyone. (full quote)
28874 1) Simpson, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work? 2) I made a bad mistake, and Lenny sent me home to think about what I did. But I don't remember what it was, so I'm watching TV. (full quote)
28874 The clown is down. (full quote)
28874 All right New York, I'm coming back. But you're not getting this. (throws wallet in the fire) (full quote)
28874 Hey immigrants! Beat it! Country's full. 2) Okay folks, you heard the lady. back into the hold. We'll try Canada. (full quote)
28874 1) What do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth? 2) mountain Dew, or Crab Juice. 1) Eew blech geez, I'll take a crab juice. (full quote)
28874 1) Mom, are those rabbits dead? 2) No, no Lisa, they're just...sleeping...upside down...and inside out. (full quote)
28874 Ohhhhhh, Flushing Meadows. (full quote)
28874 The word unblowupable is thrown around a lot these days. But I think I can say with confidence that (rocket blows up in his face. (full quote)
28874 Son, we are about to break the surly bonds of gravity, and punch the face of God! (full quote)
28874 1) This is the worst thing you've ever done. 2) You say that so much, it's lost all meaning. (full quote)
28874 I'm not easily impressed...Whoa! A blue car! (full quote)
28874 1) Too bad! You've already signed the deal! 2) Actually he hasn't. 1) Oh, well we highly value your input...until you sign the deal. (full quote)
28874 1) Why does Jesus have a lasso? 2) Cause he's all man. (full quote)
28874 Bacon up that sausage boy! (full quote)
28874 1) Is that a pony?! 2) I don't know what Santa left you. I just know his name's Clip-Clop, and he loves sugar. (full quote)
28874 1) Mr. Burns my family and I feel that taxes are too high. Where do you stand on this highly controversial issue? 2) Goodness, I didn't realize this would turn into a charged political debate. 1) I was only reading what the card- (full quote)
28874 She said tavern! I'm going to Moe's! (full quote)
28874 While I'm at it why don't I just change my name back to Hitler?! (full quote)
28874 1) Wait, you went to a sugar factory? Were there Oompa-Loompas? 2) there was one in a cage, but he wasn't moving. (full quote)
28874 Let's try the red one (electric shock). Okay, I'll try the green one (electric shock). Let's try the red one again (electric shock). Oh, NO, NOT AGAIN! Let's try them together (electric shock). Maybe the red one-(electric shock). (full quote)
28874 The Simpsons are going to Antarctica...next year, this year Brazil. (full quote)
28874 1) Hi diddily hey Homer. 2) Oh my God! This dude does the best Flanders. (full quote)
28874 Smithers, make me slap him (slap). You call that a slap? make me slap you (slap). Now both (slap slap). Now give me a taste (slap). Now both again (slap slap). Now all three (slap slap slap). Excellent. (full quote)
28874 1) Our six-term mayor, the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife swapping, pot smoking, spend-o-crat, Diamond Joe Quimby. 2) Hey, I am no longer illiterate. (full quote)
28874 Mayor Quimby supports revolving door prisons. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob. A man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for mayor. (full quote)
28874 Oh my God! The dead have risen, and they're voting Republican. (full quote)
28874 1) I guess you're a garbage man. 2) Oh, I know you are, but what am I? 1) A garbage man. 2) Oh, I know you are, but what am I? 1) A garbage man. 2) I know you are, but what am I? 1) A garbage man. 2) Takes one to know one. 3) Checkmate. (full quote)
28874 I won't live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins. (full quote)
28874 Shelbyville Daily-Once a week every week. (full quote)
28874 1) This is my fault, I tried to teach Bart about town pride, but the power of my words filled him with a sort of madness. 2) Now Marge, you can't blame all of Bart's problems on your one little speech. If anything turned him bad, it's that time you let him wear a bathing suit instead of underwear. And let's not forget your little speech. (full quote)
28874 Rocky V plus Rocky II equals Rockey VII, Adrian's Revenge. (full quote)
28874 This whole raid was a useless as that yellow, lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute! There's a lemon behind that rock! (full quote)
28874 1) You must be stupider than you look. 2) Stupider...like a fox! (full quote)
28874 1) Eat my shorts Shelbyville! 1&2) Eat my shorts! 3) Yes, eat all of our shirts. (full quote)
28874 1) (reading) Parents Occupation-Please note, homemaker is not allowed, as it is not real work, that's why you don't get paid for it. (full quote)
28874 1) Doughnut? 2) No thanks. You have any fruit? 1) This has purple stuff inside, purple's a fruit. (full quote)
28874 Branson, Missouri, my dad said it's like Vegas...if it were run by Ned Flanders. (full quote)
28874 Everybody remember, we're parked under the sunsphere. (full quote)
28874 I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home. Then I will murder him. (full quote)
28874 I used to be with 'it.' But then the changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it.' And what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me. (full quote)
28874 I used to rock and roll all night, and party everyday. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I could find half an hour a week in which to get funky. (full quote)
28874 1) Yeah, nice try narc. 2) where's the narc? 3) Who? 1) That fat Jamaican guy. (full quote)
28874 1) So you want to go on tour with a travelling freak show? 2) I don't think I have a choice Marge. 1) Of course you have a choice. 2) How do you figure? (full quote)
28874 1) Do you wear boxers or briefs? 2) Nope. (full quote)
28874 Okay, homer, don't fear the reaper. (full quote)
28874 I thought I had an appettite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich. (full quote)
28874 1) Hey, Hullabalooza isn't about freaks, it's about music, and advertising, and youth oriented product placement. 2) That and getting toasted...nicely toasted. (full quote)
28874 Lord help me I'm just not that bright. (full quote)
28874 You took 4 minutes of my life, and I want them back. Oh, I'd only waste them anyway. (full quote)
28874 I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to uh...die. (full quote)
28874 1) Good Lord! what is happening in there? 2) Aurora Borealis. 1) Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely in your kitchen? 2) Yes. 1) May I see it? 2) No. (full quote)
28874 1) Has it ever occured to you that old folks deserve to be treated like human beings? Whether they have money or not? 2) Yes, but it passes. (full quote)
28874 1) Hey Marge, how's the family? I don't want to talk about it. Mind your own business. 2) Keep it down in there everybody. (full quote)
28874 (Looks up at sign 'Stoner's Pot Palace') Man, that is flagrant false advertising. (full quote)
28874 The only thing I asked you to do for this party was put on clothes, and you didn't do it. (full quote)
28874 1) My divorce was tough on my kid, but he got over it. 2) I sleep in a drawer. (full quote)
28874 Shhh, I've been here 2 hours, and Bart still hasn't finded me. (full quote)
28874 This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. (full quote)
28874 1) That's where I saw the leprechaun. 2) Right, a leprechaun. 1) He told me to burn things. (full quote)
28874 We now return to The Return of the Pink Panther Returns. (full quote)
28874 We're just hangin', chillin', little bit of illin'. (full quote)
28874 Ah, you've done grand laddie. Now you know what you have to do, burn the house down. Burn them all. (full quote)
28874 All right people listen up. The harder you push the faster we will all get out of here. (full quote)
28874 Will you look at those morons. I paid my taxes over a year ago. (full quote)
28874 Like the time Barney beat up George Bush? 2) Barney? that was me. And I'd do it again. (full quote)
28874 Castro) May I see? 2) Oh-ho-ho see with your eyes, not with your hands. Castro) Please, we are all amigos here. 3) Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the President of Cuba. (Burns hands over the trillion dollar bill) 2) Now give it back. Castro) Give what back? (full quote)
28874 1) Can I take the bus to the museum? 2) Museum? I don't like the sound of that. (full quote)
28874 Don't make me tap the sign. (full quote)
28874 1) Area 51? I found Area 51! 2) No ma'am this is Area 51-A. (full quote)
28874 Why if I had 75 dollars for every novelty I removed...by the way I'll need a check for 75 dollars. (full quote)
28874 I'm not normally a praying man. But if you're up there, please save me Superman. (full quote)
28874 what do ya say honey? Feelin' stupid? I know I am. (full quote)
28874 Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na leader. (full quote)
28874 1) Sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol. 2) Oh, that sounds like a challenge to me. (full quote)
28874 Yes! In your freckled face Howard. (full quote)
28874 There's plenty of Milhouse to go around! (full quote)
28874 Everything's coming up Milhouse! (full quote)
28874 1) Aww, I hate foldin sheets. 2) That's your underwear. 1) Well whatever it is it's a 2 man job. (full quote)
28874 Marge, if your watching this it means I learned how to work the camera. (full quote)
28874 Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior? (full quote)
28874 back away not today Disco lady. (full quote)
28874 1) If you ever get in trouble all you need to do is- feels like I'm wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all. 2) Stupid Sexy Flanders (full quote)
28874 1) I gotta blast a dooky. 2) Dook on. (full quote)
28874 Disco Stu doesn't advertise. (full quote)
28874 1) Will you at least do the dishes? 2) Lisa, I'll do the dishes when I pick it out of the chore hat, and it's not a practice. See there it is. But that was a practice. The system works. (full quote)
28874 I see the light...and it burns! (full quote)
28874 1) Do we have any food that wasn't slaughtered? 2) Well, I think the veal might have died of lonliness. (full quote)
28874 As wacky as those kids were, they were no match for Captain Wacky, later renamed homer. (full quote)
28874 1) (fake voice) Hello my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me. 2) Okay Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name? 1) I don't know. (full quote)
28874 Simpson, homer Simpson he's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield he's about to hit a chestnut tree. Aughhhhhh! (full quote)
28874 computer) Hello Smithers, you are quite good at turning me on. (full quote)
28874 Which popular Simpsons characters have died in the past year? If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe you are wrong. They were never popular. (full quote)
28874 Right about now your probably saying-'Troy i've seen every Simpsons episode. You can't show me anything new.'- You've got some attitude Mister. (full quote)
28874 1) Homer please, you don't have to wolf down that 25 year old candy just to make me happy. 2) But it won't make you unhappy right? (full quote)
28874 1) Do you still work for Nasa? 2) No, I work at the nuclear power plant. 2) Oh, homer. 2) Well, you'll be happy to know I don't work very hard, (full quote)
28874 I'm Troy McLure and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see...hard core nudity. (full quote)
28874 I passed, I got a D-minus, I passed, I got a D-minus, I passed, I passed, I...kissed the teacher! (spitting and gagging) (full quote)
28874 1) your honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is. And tht he is not like other men. 2) I should be able to run over as many kids as I want! (full quote)
28874 Felling supid? I know I am! (full quote)
28874 1) Do you still work for Nasa? 2) No, I work at the nuclear power plant. 1) Oh, Homer. 2) You'll be happy to know I don't work very hard. I'm actually bringing the plant down from the inside. (taps his nose) (full quote)
28874 1) what about the boss? 2) Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love. And I won't be back for 10 minutes! (full quote)
28874 For me the 60s ended that day in 1978. (full quote)
28874 Marge I've just realized, I am the 'ow' in 'now.' And if you tell anyone... (full quote)
28874 Wow, that saxophone would make a great pipe. (full quote)
28874 1) Hey, Shemp is hemp spelled backwords. 2) And Otto is Otto backwards. 1) Now I'm scared. (full quote)
28874 Don't encroach on our roach! (full quote)
28874 They call them fingers, but I never see 'em fing. Oh, there they go. (full quote)
28874 Remember when I dropped my keys and you thought the phone was ringing? (full quote)
28874 Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds. (full quote)
28874 1) Looks like you were saved by a Christmas tree. 2) And somebody wanted to get rid of it in April. (full quote)
28874 1) Goodbye my gentle neighbor. You know I've always wanted to tell you how much- 2) To continue talking please deposit 10 cents. 1) Aw, screw it. (full quote)
28874 1) Well well, look at the city slicker pulling up in his fancy German car. 2) This car was made in Guatemala. 3) Well pardon us Mr. Gucci loafers. 2) I bought these shoes from a hobo. 1) Well la-de-da Mr. Park Avenue manicure. 2) I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming. (full quote)
28874 1) Hey Lenny sending some outgoing mail? 2) You know it. 1) I'll probably send some tomorrow. 2) I hear that. (they high five) (then stare at eachother awkwardly) (full quote)
28874 Well I'm not crazy about the plutonium or nicotine, but it is very nice to see Bart eating his vegetables. (full quote)
28874 This tastes like Grandma. (full quote)
28874 (singing) Shaving my shoulders, I'm getting it all shaved off. (full quote)
28874 (singing to theme of Goldfinger) Max Power he's the man who's name you'd love to touch. But you mustn't tooooooooouch. His name sounds good in your ear. But when you say it you mustn't fear, because his name can be said by anyone. (full quote)
28874 1) It worked mom. Maggie's memories have shown them humanities inner goodness. Alien) These are not tears, we are vomiting from our eyes. (full quote)
28874 1) I'll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing. 2) And I'll take up somoking, and give that up. 3) Good for you son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar. 1) But he didn't do anything. 2) Didn't he Lisa, didn't he? Hey, wait a minute, he didn't. (takes back dollar) (full quote)
28874 Little more...little more...little more...too much take it back. (full quote)
28874 1) Where's Otis? He's not in his cell. 2) I shot him. 1) Well that's...What!? 2) Now I'm going down to Emmett's Fixit shop to fix Emmett. (full quote)
28874 The South will boogie again. (full quote)
28874 1) homer Simpson, you stand accused of eating half the population of the Planet of the Doughnuts. 2) As homer's defense attorney I feel we should be merciful...Hey did you just take a bite out of me? 3) Um, maybe. (full quote)
28874 1) You did this? How could you be so irresponsible? 2) It's my first day. 1) Since I've never seen you before maybe it is your first day. Very well carry on. 3) Sir that's homer Simpson he's been working here for 10 years. 1) Oh really why did you think you could lie to me? 2) It's my first day. 1) Well, why didn't you...Whoa! You're fired! (full quote)
28874 Daybreak: Jakarta. The proud men and women of the navy are fighting for freedom. But you're in Lubbock, Texas, hosing stains off a monument. You're in the naval reserve. America's 17th line of defense between the Mississippi National Guard and the League of Women Voters. After basic training you'll only have to work one weekend a month, and most of that time you're drunk off your ass. (full quote)
28874 1) Homie I really don't think this Navy thing is a good idea. what if you get called into combat? 2) Not to worry honey we live in a highly technological age where fighting a war is as simple as turning off a light (claps). 1) We don't have a clapper. 2) Sorry can't hear ya Marge, I'm clapping. (keeps clapping) (throws lamp out of window) Nighty night. (full quote)
28874 1) All right Simpson. I don't like you, and you don't like me. 2) I like you. 1) Um, all right you like me, but I don't like you. 2) Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me. (full quote)
28874 1) what on Earth possessed you to get an earring? 2) Milhouse has one. 1) If Milhouse jumped off a cliff- 2) Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there. (full quote)
28874 I'm a man of few words...any questions? (full quote)
28874 1) Simpson you're like the son I never had. 2) And you're like the father I never visit. (full quote)
28874 My homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star. (full quote)
28874 Zombie Lenin) Must crush capitalism! (full quote)
28874 Whoa! Whoa! A fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies. (full quote)
28874 You couldn't even give me one lousy round. (full quote)
32045 If anyone wants me I'll be in my room (full quote)
  If this gets out, Crazy Clown Airlines will be a laughingstock! (full quote)
  a) oh my god! he eats like a pig! b) no, pigs tend to chew. he eats more like a duck! (full quote)
  homer- Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Barts a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that place... where the beds and... the tv is. (full quote)
  homer- Ooowww my head. How long have I been out here? Bart- All night. You were yellin at the swing. homer- I was? But I love the swing. (full quote)
  (Cheif Wigim) Shoot the tires out Lou. (Lou) Uhh its a tank Cheif. (Cheif Wigim) You know I'm gettin REAL tired of your excuses. (full quote)
  son:How in the hell can we talk about hell if we can't say hell? dad:the boy's got a point, mom. son: hell yes! (full quote)
  stupid sexy flanders (full quote)
  (bart make ;fun-call; to moe,s tavern) moe:moe,s tavern bart:is holic there? first name,al. moe: alcoholic? is there alcoholic here? (everybody in the bar laugh) moe:...wait a minute...(crab the phone)listen to me you yellow jelly-belly-jack ass,if i ever find out hwo you are,i kill you! (full quote)
  (bart make phone-call again) moe:moe,s tavern, the birth-place of the rob roy. bart:is seymour there? first name,butt. moe:just a sek. hey, isthere a butt,s here? seymour butt,s? hey everybody, i wanna seymour butt,s! (everybody laugh) moe:wait a minute...listen to me you scum-sucking bussbucket! i i have ever ahold you, i gonna pull your eyes out with corkscrew! (full quote)
  (bart make phone-call from the school,when principal skinner make him to call homer.bart read the numberpaper and see ;moe,s tavern,) bart:is homer there? moe:homer who? bart:homer...sexual. moe:wait, i check. homer sexual. hey c,mon some of you guy,s got a be homer sexual!(everybody laugh,even homer!) homer:don,t look at me! (bart give phone to principal skinner) moe:argh! you ugly little punk1 if i ever ahold, i strike my teeths on your cheeck and rip your face off! skinner:you do what, young man? moe:wait a minute, hwo is that? skinner: i think the real question is hwo is that, and where,s homer simpson! moe:o,sorry principal skinner,sorry,i think we had bad connection. (to homer)it,s from the school,i think bart is in the trouble again. homer:d,oh! (full quote)
  (from the episode;shinning; parody of stanley kubrick,s shining. willie is working on the plat labyrinth,when he hear buzzing, and bart coming throw with the chainsaw.) bart:hey! i find shortcut to your hetchmay,s. willie:why you little...(thinking)no,no go easy with the wee one. he,s father going crazy and chop all them in to the haggis. bart:what,s haggis? willie:boy,you read my thougts. you got the shinning! bart:you mean shining? willie:shh..wanna get shoued? look boy,if your dad goe,s gaga, you just use that;shin; of yours,to call me and i come a running. but don,t be reading my mind between four and five. that,s willie,s time! (full quote)
  Bart: APRIL Foo *Beer Explodes* (full quote)
  Doctor shows homer an Ink Blot homer: THE BOY! *swats at the blot* (full quote)
  (From episode Treehouse of horror 2: Bart calls to Moe) Moe:Moe,s tavern. Hold on, ill check. Hey everybody! I,m stupid moron with the ugly face and big butt and my butt smells... and i lke to kiss my own butt! (full quote)
  Owww quit it, owww quit it, owww quit it (full quote)
  Tomacco (full quote)
  Now thats a fine fire pit why dosent my look that Ahhh English side ruiened must use french LE GRILL? What the hell is that? Marge:Hows your fathers project coming Bart:I think hes almost done homer:YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Bart:Yeah hes done (full quote)
  homer: bart, you have to defend the simpson name Bart: screw that when i grow up im changing my name to joe kickass (full quote)
  AHHH! My Eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! (full quote)
  That's it kids. Suckle Daddy's sugar ball. (full quote)
  Stupid babies need the most attention (full quote)
  P1: Join me for a belt of scotch? P2: But it's 9:30 in the morning! P1: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. (full quote)
  Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all...nothing at all....nothing at all! (full quote)
  Hey Bart-ner little partner (full quote)
  Art Critic: We call it Outsider Art - It could be by a mental patient, hillbilly or a chimpanzee Homer: Hey, in high school I was voted most likely to become a mental patient, hillbilly or chimpanzee. (full quote)
  i'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and i like to kiss my own butt. (full quote)
  homer: [choking Bart] Why you little--! (full quote)
  homer there's a family of Possums in here! I call the big one bity. (full quote)
  homer there's a family of Possums in here! I call the big one bity. (full quote)
  Lisa get in here! (Lisa opens door and chuckels) In this house we obay the laws of thermodimatics! (full quote)
  I did it. I made it all the way to (looks up at mountain)oh, crap! It just keeps going. I give up. You beat me, mountain! (full quote)
  Barney: And I say England's greatest prime minister was Lord Palmerston! Wade Boggs: Pitt the elder! Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!! Wade Boggs: PITT THE ELDER!! Barney: Okay, you asked for it! (he punches out Wade Boggs) Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barney! (quietly to himself) Pitt the elder! Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!!! (he punches out Moe) (full quote)
  homer: (singing) There was nothing in Al Capone's vault, but it wasn't Geraldo's fault! (pause) D'OH! (He disposes the lyrics where the wastebaskets were full) (full quote)
  Homer)No TV and No Beer make Homer something something. Marge) Go Carzy?! Homer) Don't Mind if I Do! (full quote)
  Just becauser I dont care doesnt mean i dont understand! (full quote)
  1)Are you wearing a grocery bag!?! 2)I have misplaced my pants. (full quote)
  Aye! That's Handsome Pete! He dances for nickels. Pete! Ya got customers! (full quote)
  1)Hello? Hello? You have my pills! Hello? ...I'm cold and there are wolves after me... (howl) (full quote)
  1)You must be a garbage man! 2)I know you are but what am I? 1)A garbage man! 2)I know you are but what am I? 1)A garbage man! 2)I know you are but what am I? 1)A garbage man! 2)Takes one to know one! *pause* 3)Check and mate! (full quote)
  1)At that, a mighty cheer went up from the people of Shelbyville. They'd banished the evil lemon tree forever.....Fore it was haunted! Now let's all celebrate with a cool glass of turnip juice. (full quote)
  1)One camper was eaten by a bear! 2)OH MY GOD! 1)Well, actually the bear just ate his hat. 2)Was it a nice hat? 1)Oh yeah. 2)OH MY GOD! (full quote)
  1)Dr. Nick, is the machine on!?! I can barely hear it!!! 2)IT'S WHISPER QUIET!!! (full quote)
  1)Dad, that's not a real paper! That's just one Bart got at the fair. 2) No wonder I never heard about Bart being named 'Worlds Greatest Sex machine'. (full quote)
  1)People! We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! 2)Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down! (full quote)
  1)At least I'll leave a beautiful corpse.... (full quote)
  Fat Tony: I don't get mad, I get stabby! (full quote)
  People,people no rough-housing on the monkey bars.You there,tuck in your shirt.Watch it!I saw that. (full quote)
  People,people no rough-housing on the monkey bars.You there,tuck in your shirt.Watch it!I saw that. (full quote)
  1.Bart,I'm scared.Let's get out of here.2.Shut up!Where do you want it,skinner?(spits)3.Not smart.(fires gun). (full quote)
  Silly Rabbit, Kicks Are For Ribs. (Both Fight) (full quote)
  Homer:(to Bart) And how's my little major leaguer? Catch any junebugs today? Bart: Well, me and Milhouse took some mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer. Homer: Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do. Bart: What the heck are you talking about?! You're the one who double-dared us! Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE---!! (chokes Bart) Marge: Homer! Bart: I'm outta here! (leaves) Lisa: Me too! (leaves) (full quote)
3225 I am so smart I am so smart s-m-r-t I mean s-m-a-r-t (full quote)
3225 1) I know I'm on and I don't care. I don't do the news until I get my danish. Go ahead try and find a replacement... 2) A tidal wave has crashed in Kualalampur killing 250 people...AYE CARUMBA! (full quote)
3225 1) Well my family can't live in good intentions 2) Hey back off man 1) oh okay dude I wouldn't want you to have a cow man. here's a catch phrase you better learn from your adult years. 'Hey buddy? Got a quarter?! 2) I am shocked and appalled 3) Mr. Flanders with all do respect Bart didn't do anything 1) Do i hear the sound of butting in? Its gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfields answer to a question no one asked! 4) Ha ha 1) What do we have here? The long flabby arm of the law. The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of mallomars 5) Mallomars, oh that's going in the act. 1) Oh yeah! the clown. The only one of you creeps that doesn't make me laugh...and you I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk 6) Hey I've only been here a few minutes what's going on? 1) You ugly hate filled man 7) Hey I may be ugly and hate filled but uh...what was that third thing you said? (full quote)
3225 1) Excuse me Edna I don't think we're talking about love here. We're talking about s-e-x in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n. 2) Sex cauldron? I thought they closed that place down (full quote)
3225 I could pull a better cartoon out of my...uh...hey...whoa! wasn't that great kids? (full quote)
3225 1) Here are your messages Mr. Burns you have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes, you car has been impounded, you car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube *phone rings* Hello? 2) Is it about my cube? (full quote)
3225 1) homer the plant called and said if you don't come in today don't bother coming in tomorrow 2) Woo hoo! Four day weekend! (full quote)
3225 GREASE ME UP WOMAN! (full quote)
3225 1) Lisa, honey are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? what about bacon 2) no 1) Ham 2) no 1) pork chops 2) dad those all come from the same animal 1) Oh yeah right Lisa a wonderful magical animal! (full quote)
3225 1) Now I'm going to burn this doughnut to show you how many calories it has 2) NO!!!!! 1) The blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet doughnut 2) This is not happening! This is not happening! (full quote)
3225 I am the lizard queen! (full quote)
3225 Who is that? Why its Bart Simpson. Hello, Bart...he's just a little shy because I've tried to kill him so many times (full quote)
3225 1) Hey Ganesha want a peanut? 2) Please do not offer my god a peanut (full quote)
3225 1) They still helped you whether they be Christian, Jew, or...miscellaneous 2) Hindu, there are 300 million of us 1) Oh that's super. (full quote)
3225 1) HA HA Your mom's a jailbird 2) So is yours 1) Oh yeah. Let's play. (full quote)
3225 My bologna has a first name its H-O-M-E-R my bologna has a second name its H-O-M-E-R (full quote)
3225 Your doll is trying to kill my husband! Yes, I'll hold *recording* Everybody loves a clown, so why dont you? (full quote)
3225 I said you're gonna watch this video or I'm going to do something to you, and I don't know what that is because everyone has always done what I say (full quote)
3225 1) Leave him alone he's just a kid 2) I'll show them who's just a kid 1) Bart time for bed I layed out yoru jammie jams (full quote)
3225 1) I'm gonna jump Springfield gorge on my skateboard 2) As the only adult here I feel its my duty to say something...cool! (full quote)
3225 You tried to kill me! I want a seperation! (full quote)
3225 Murder one! Even if I lose I'll be famous (full quote)
3225 1) I move for a bad court thingie 2) You mean a mistrial 1) yeah (full quote)
3225 1) I move for a bad court thingie 2) You mean a mistrial 1) yeah (full quote)
8487 1) homer, this house sucks! 2) Bart, what did I tell you about using that word? Call me Daddy. (full quote)
8487 1) Aunt Selma, this may sound presumptious, but have you ever considered artificial insimination? 2) You gotta be pretty desperate to make it with a robot! (his wife whispers in his ear) I knew that. (full quote)
8487 1) God, what's the meaning of life? 2) homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die. 1) But I can't wait that long. 2) You can't wait six months? (full quote)
8487 Who needs English? I'm never going to England. (full quote)
28874 Mmmmmm free goo. (full quote)
28874 1) I sleep in a racing car, do you? 2) I sleep in a big bed with my wife. (full quote)
28874 1) So that's it, after 20 years, 'so long good luck?' 2) I don't recall saying good luck. (full quote)
28874 1) Luanne and Chase are taking us out to hear Spaulding Gray. 2) I don't want to go to that. 1) You said you'd do that as a favor to me. 2) That doesn't sound like something I'd say. (full quote)
33944 A bee bit my bottom...... it made my bottom big!!! (full quote)
33944 1/_Well, Maudey, God-bless-her... she keeps underlining passages in my bible 2/_Geez...thank God there weren't any guns in the house (full quote)
37015 1. What are you doing? 2. Achieving financial stability. 1. With cans of grease? 2. Nooo, through savings and wise investments. Of course with grease! (full quote)
40103 skinner: Wiggum, Ralph Ralph: I won! I won! skinner: No Ralph this means your failing english Ralph: Me fail english that's unpossible. (full quote)
40103 Trying is the first step towards faliure (full quote)
44471 Smithers, there's a rocket in my pocket! You don't have to tell ME, sir. (full quote)
47904 1)Those clowns in congress did it again! what a bunch of clowns! 2)How does it keep up with the news like that!?!? (full quote)
chick21 Spider pig, spider pig does whatever a spider pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't he's a pig. (full quote)
chick21 p1: Spider pig can come too. p2: oh he's not spider pig anymore. he's hairy plopper. (full quote)