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Dumb & Dumber - 1994 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  Cripes (full quote)
  They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident. (full quote)
  we got no food, we got no job, our pets heads are falling off! (full quote)
  senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, really can serve a purpose. Now don't you go dying on me! (full quote)
  i just got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. (full quote)
  Move it or lose it sister! (full quote)
  Big Gulps hu?.....Well see you later (full quote)
  kick his ass seabass (full quote)
  Excuse me, Flo! (full quote)
  If I know her as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets. (full quote)
  you sold my dead bird to a blind kid! (full quote)
  I desperately wanna make love to a schoolboy (full quote)
  Husband?! what was all that one in a million talk?! (full quote)
  Spilling the salt is very bad luck. We're driving across the country, the last thing we need is bad luck. (full quote)
  That's as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.'s. (full quote)
  Wait.... hold on... I think I have a...yep, yep, I have an idea. (full quote)
  I got worms! (full quote)
  Scuse me, little old lady? (full quote)
  we usually don't pick up hitch hikers, but....I'm gonna go with my instict on this one. Saddle up partner! (full quote)
  Just tell it to me, I've got a really good memory. (full quote)
  do you realize what you've done!!! .. Wait!!!! ..................You'll have to excuse my friend here he's a little slow...........The town, is back that way... (full quote)
  I get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog. (full quote)
  chicks dig it,it's the shaggin' wagon (full quote)
  Man, you are one pathetic loser! (full quote)
  It's okay, I'm a limo driver (full quote)
  Give it to me you pumpkin pie-hair cutted-freak (full quote)
  Give it to me you pumpkin pie-hair cutted-freak (full quote)
  It feels like you're running at an incredible rate. (full quote)
  Why are ya goin' to the airport,...... Flying somewhere? (full quote)
  We don't have enough money to sleep (full quote)
  excuse me, Mr. Perfect--I forgot you never make a mistake (full quote)
  Why don't you eat up and we'll tell ya (full quote)
  You, uh, you fellas been boozing, have ya? Kickin' back on grandpa's old cough medicine (full quote)
  Im just gonna stand here by the bar.........Throw out the vibe! (full quote)
  Sorry that I want to go somewhere where I know somebody who can plug us into the social pipeline (full quote)
  That's a lovely accent...New Jersey? (full quote)
  Radio, who needs a radio? (full quote)
  Slappy, Sammy, Sss....Samsonite. I was way off. (full quote)
  Harry...I took care of it... (full quote)
  See this one? It's for a car. $275 Thou. Might wanna hang on to that one... (full quote)
  I dunno, I just figured she was a raging alcoholic (full quote)
  Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this...AND totalLY REDEEM YOURSELF!! (full quote)
  We recently mated a bull dog with a schitzu...we called it a bullshit (full quote)
  Harry, you're alive!! And a horrible shot! (full quote)
  Harry) I expected the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this Lloyd) Me too. That John Denver's fulla shit, man (full quote)
  A TAD? A TAD, LLOYD? YOU DROVE A SIXTH OF THE WAY Across THE COUNTRY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!! (full quote)
  There are a lot of jobs in this town, if you want to work 40 hours a week. (full quote)
  I cant stop once i've started.......it stings (full quote)
  Killer boots man! (full quote)
  Now we don't even know who these guys are, you don't kill people you don't know, that's a rule! (full quote)
  Woah...that's really warm! (full quote)
  Pills are goood. Pills are good. (full quote)
  We landed on the moon (full quote)
  You go get the pills.Don't worry I know CPR. (full quote)
  Pretty bird, pretty bird. (full quote)
  How do they know I got gas (full quote)
  Harry: i sold some stuff Lloyd: stuff Harry: what kinda stuff Lloyd: You know, a few baseball cards, sack of marbles, ::cough:: peety Harry: You sold my bird to a blind kid, Lloyd, peety didn't even have a head Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it (full quote)
  footlong, who's got the footlong? (full quote)
  statistics say your more likely to get killed on the way to the air port you know like a head on crash, flyin off a cliff, traped undera gas truck thats the worst, i have this cousin well i had this cousin... (full quote)
  Cop: PULL OVER Harry: No it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing. (full quote)
  Harry: Those skis yours? Lady: Yeah. Harry: Both of 'um? Lady: Yeah Harry: cool! (full quote)
  Yeah, we're in the rockies. (full quote)
  I didn't get a gun, did you get a gun? how come i didn't get a gun? Why did he get a gun? (full quote)
  wait wait the town is to miles that way.....we just have to keep our eyes open (full quote)
  goodbye my loooove!!!!!! (full quote)
  I'm tired of having to eeak my way through life, and I'm tired of being a nobody, and having nobody!! (full quote)
  1)RADIO!?! Who needs a radio!?! MOCK!!! 2)ING!!! !)MOCK!!! 2)ING!!! 1&2)MOCKINGBIRD!!! (full quote)
  1)more like one in a million 2)so you're telling me there's still a chance? (full quote)
  1)more like one in a million 2)so you're telling me there's still a chance? YEAH!!! (full quote)
  Lloyd: So, where ya headed? Mary: Aspen. Lloyd: Hmmmm, California. Beautiful! (full quote)
  Harry, your hands are FRRREEEEZZZZIIINGG!!! (full quote)
  Harry: Nice skis. Girl: Thanks. Harry: They yours? Girl: yep. Harry: Bth of them? Girl: yeah... Harry: cool! (full quote)
  Hey Hallehupa! (full quote)
  Nice Hooters....The owls, they're beautiful. (full quote)
  You know once we successfully bread a BullDgo with a Shitsu. You know what we called it?A Bullshit! (full quote)
  Once we successfully bread a Bulldog and a Shitsu. You know what we called it? A Bullshit! (full quote)
  I like it. I like it alot. (full quote)
  Tic Tac sir? (full quote)
  It's ok!...I'm a LIMO driver! (full quote)
  what's the Soup DuJour? It's the soup of the day. That sounds good. I'll have that. (full quote)
  MURDERER: So, why you guys goin to aspen anyway? Lloyd: Why don't you eat up and we'll tell ya.. ::giggles:: MURDERER: Yeah, it didn't seem like ya packed much. All I saw was a couple of shirts and that briefcase. Harry: Yea, and the briefcase isn't even our's. Some lady left it at the airport. We're just bringing it back to her.. how's your burger?! ::uncontrolable sniggering:: (full quote)
  Just give me the booze you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak (full quote)
1501 Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? (full quote)
1501 #1: Going to the airport? #2: Yes. #1: Flying somewhere? (full quote)
3594 Cop: Pull over! Harry: No, it's a cardigan! But thanks for noticing! Lloyd: Yeah! Killer boots man! (full quote)
4119 #1 Why would she have you meet her in a bar at 10 o'clock in the morning? #2 I just figured she was a ragin' alcoholic. (full quote)
4328 what the Fuck?!! This is not from dumb & Dumber!! (full quote)
4507 BIG GULP HUH? WELL, SEE YA LATER (full quote)
5070 #1. Go where? Where do you want to go? #2. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. A place where beautiful women flock like the salmon of Copastrono. I'm talkin' about a li'l place called Assspen. #2. I dunno Lloyd, the French are assholes....what a minute! You wanna go to Aspen to find that girl who lost her briefcase, right? (full quote)
5116 Our pet's HEADS are falling OFF!! (full quote)
5116 Harry..It's Mary! (full quote)
5151 C'mon Joe, let me do them. Let me do both of 'em. You won't even have to worry about it. (full quote)
5172 Oh, your gonna love it. I hear California's beautiful this time of year. (full quote)
disue5 I'm not pulling over now. Wiz in one of those beer bottles in the back...ahh excuse me officer, I wouldn't drink that. (full quote)
disue5 It's a couple a guys headed to Colorado. We got a make on the vehicle. They are in an '84...Sheep Dog. (full quote)
5352 1) Man , you are one pathetic loser . No offense 2) No , none taken . (full quote)
5352 1) Thatsa nice set of hooters yo got there . 2) what ? 1) The owls , They're beautiful. (full quote)
5481 H: She wrote me a john-dear letter...something about me not listening enough, I don't know...I wasn't really paying attention. (full quote)
5532 You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? EHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (full quote)
5532 Mock yeah, ing yeah, bird yeah, yeah yeah, mockingbird.....mock si, ing si, bird si.... (full quote)
5554 Lloyd: Why you headed to the airport, flying somewhere? Mary: How'd you guess? Llyod: Well I saw the luggage and then noticed the airline ticket and put 2 and 2 together. So where ya headed? Mary: Aspen Lloyd: Mmmm, California, beautiful. The names Christmas..Lyod Christmas Mary: I'm Mary Swanson Lloyd: This isn't my real job you know Mary: No? Lloyd: Nope, my friend Harry and I are saving up to buy our own pet store. I got worms. Mary: I beg your pardon. Lloyd: i got worms, that's what we're gonna call it. We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms, you know like ant farms....what's the matter, little tense about the flight? Mary: something like that Lloyd: you know mary, there's really nothing to worry about. statistically they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport, you know like in a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck, that's the worse. I have this cousin, well I HAD this cousin Mary: Llyod, will you keep your eyes on the road please. Lloyd: Mmm good thinking, can't be to careful, lotta bad drivers out there (full quote)
5570 1: MOCK 2: Yeah 1: ing 2: yeah 1: bird 2; yeah 1: yeah 2: yeah 1and2: Moking bird now everybody have you heard Im gonna buy you a moking bird... (full quote)
5592 you been suckin on grandpa's old cough medicine have ya? (full quote)
5921 1. Mock 2. YA 1. ING 2. YA 1. Bird 2. YA 1. Ya 2. YA.... MOCKING BIRD! (full quote)
5983 It's OK, I'm a limo driver! (full quote)
6034 >Excuse me Flo? what's the soup du jour? >>It's the soup of the day. >Mmm, that sounds good, I think I'll have that. (full quote)
6034 Kick his ass Seabass! (full quote)
6890 hey guys, BIG GULPS huh... well, see ya later! (full quote)
6890 1.Were you gonna eat that? 2.Yes, No, maybe...it crossed my mind (full quote)
6890 we have plenty of towels, thanks! (full quote)
6890 I thought the Rockies would be a little rockier than this. 2. Yeah, that John Denver's full of shit! (full quote)
7066 1: i mean, if one beautiful girl can come between us, maybe we shouldn't be friends at all anymore! 2: you just tell me where to sign, bub 1: RIGHT ON MY ASS, AFTER YOU KISS IT!!!! (full quote)
7089 Look at the butt on that one!!!!! Yeahhhh, , ,he must work out!! (full quote)
7115 - I drove her to the airport. Sparks flew, motions ran high...She actually talked to me man! - Get outta here? - Oh yeah, yeah... (full quote)
7475 She says I’ve got a rapists wit. (full quote)
7512 I'm talking about someplace warm. Someplace where the beer flows like wine. A place where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capastrano. (full quote)
7799 You can't triple stamp a double stamp...You can't triple stamp a double stamp...Lloyd, Lloyd...You can't triple stamp a double stamp!!!! (full quote)
7799 Sor-ry Mr. Perfect. I forgot you never ever make a mistake! (full quote)
7843 I'mmm There!! (full quote)
7846 Know what I'm sick and tired of Harry? I'm sicked and tired of having being a nobody, and more than that..I'm sick and tired of having nobody. (full quote)
  man reading letter: Sorry gasman we took the money to Aspen! wow these guys are good they've must have been following us for weeks GIRL: what do you mean MAN: how do they know I got gas? (full quote)
  man reading letter: Sorry gasman we took the money to Aspen! wow these guys are good they've must have been following us for weeks GIRL: what do you mean MAN: how do they know I got gas? GIRL these guys must be pro's (full quote)
  you just sold our headless parakite to the blind boy (full quote)
  That's it, have a good cry... ok that's enough (full quote)
  Tell her I'm rich, and I got a rapist wit! (full quote)
  Harry: We went skiing, had a snowball fight, she touched my leg... Lloyd: OK KILL HIM!!! (full quote)
  Pick em up!! (full quote)
  HARRY!!! You're alive.....and a horrible shot (full quote)
  ......your name is HARRY isn't it?! (full quote)
  Why don't ya eat up and we'll tell ya!.. (giggling) (full quote)
  DO U REALIZE what YOU'VE DONE?!? (full quote)
  wine em' dine em' 69 em' seabass's hat (full quote)
  1)Swanson? Swamson? 2)Maybe the name is on the bag 1)SAMSONITE..i was way off (full quote)
  wait ....wait..... ya i just had an idea (full quote)
  what's her last name?I'll look it up. Ummmm Slappy Slippy slappy swanson..Hey Check the briefcase....O right here SAMSONITE....huh i was way off! (full quote)
  loyd, you sold pettie to a blind kid?? Harry, i took care of it! (full quote)
  mock...yea. ing...yea...bird..yea...mocking bird dont sing blah blah blha blha (full quote)
  Wait a minute, ya, i think i just, ya, i just had an idea (full quote)
  Lloyd: I'll bet twenty dollars I can get you to make a bet before the day is out. Harry: You're on. Lloyd: I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'll do it. (full quote)
  T-t-haa--- its a hard one, the (full quote)
  Whoa, look at the funbags on that hosehound (full quote)
  It's more tingly than hot. (full quote)
  1)you're it 2) no, you're it 1) you're it quincies 2) you're it anti-quincies stamped it no erasies 1)you're it anti-quincies double stamped it no erasies 2) you're it anti-quincies tripled stamped it no erasies touch blue to make it true 1) you can't triple stamp a double stamp, lloyd, you can't triple stamp a double stamp, lloyd, lloyd (full quote)
  Radio? Who needs a radio? (full quote)
  Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. (full quote)
  WE landED ON THE MOON! (full quote)
  Hey Pete (full quote)
  Why don't you eat up and we'll tell you (full quote)
  You'll have to excuse my friend here, he's a bit slow. The town - is that way! (full quote)
  (1)...she touched my leg...(2) OK! Kill him!! (full quote)
  You shot my best friend you BASTARD!! (full quote)
  Our pet's heads are falling off! (full quote)
  Nice hooters. The owls - they're beautiful. (full quote)
  Harry: Dont worrie ma'am, I stand by my proformance. I groomed, washed, and cliped these dofs my self. (door opens) Harry: On second thought, you might just want to run a comb through them. (full quote)
  HARRY, YOUR HANDS ARE freeZING!! (full quote)
  what are the odds of a guy like you and a girl like me gettin together? like one in a hundred?- more like one in a million..- so you're tellin me there's a chance. (full quote)
  You can't stop goin' once you start. It stings! (full quote)
  You can't stop goin' once you start. It stings! (full quote)
  My hands are freezing. Oh i have two pairs do want one? You have had two pairs of gloves this entire time?? Yea we're in the rockies! (full quote)
  -Excuse me Flo?... Flo like the TV show... what is the soup de jour -It's the soup of the day -Mmmm...that sounds good, I'll have that. (full quote)
  Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are gonna get (full quote)
  Harry: Wow how did you learn that! Lloyd: Saw it in a movie. Harry: What happens? Lloyd: They track him down and kill him! (full quote)
  Got a little nippy back there going through the pass, eh Har? (full quote)
  Harry: Hi Loyd Loyd: Hey Harry Harry: How was your day? Loyd: OK... Fell off the Jetway again. (full quote)
  Harry: Those your skis? Chick: Yeah. Harry: Both of them? Chick: (impatiently) Yeah. Harry: cool. (full quote)
  HI, we have plenty of towels, thanks (full quote)
  Harry:petey's dead Loyd: what? how did he die? harry:his head fell off loyd: what? Harry: ya he was pretty old! (full quote)
  For God's sake, just give me the damn number! (full quote)
  Lloyd: so what do you wanna do? Harry: how bout some food? Lloyd: nah, I swallowed a big june bug while we were drivin, I'm not really hungry. (full quote)
  pretty biiird, pretty biiird. polly wanna cracker? (full quote)
  Kick his ass Sea bass! (full quote)
  Harry, you're alive...and you're a horrible shot (full quote)
  Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg. Alright, kill him!! (full quote)
  Pretty bird....pretty bird, yes...You're a pretty bird! (full quote)
  1.)Hey Loyd, there's some people wanna ride too. 2.) Pick 'em up (full quote)
  nice set of hotters ya got there (full quote)
  footlong, who's got the footlong! (full quote)
  mock, yeah, ing, yeah, BIRD, yeah, yeah, yeah, (full quote)
  pullover... no its a carnigan but thanks for noticin (full quote)
  Kick his ass sea bass. (full quote)
  Pull over... No it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing (full quote)
  I fell off the jetway again. (full quote)
  we're 26,000 miles from graceland, what do you think of my bra ? (full quote)
  I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming. (full quote)
  what are the chances of a girl like me and a guy like you ever getting together (full quote)
  1.)T..T..T-he....2.)The (full quote)
  HARRY I TOOK care OF IT (full quote)
  aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh......haarrrryyy....ur hands are freezing (full quote)
  good-Bye my love (full quote)
  fell off the jet-way again. (full quote)
  fell off the jetway again. (full quote)
  Sea Bass: Are you gonna eat that burger? Harry: what that....No....em yeh.. no ....well it had crossed my mind. (seabass hocks in Harry's burger) Lloyd: Man you really woos'd out! Harry: what'dya mean woos'd out! the guy hocked in my burger! (full quote)
  I just get that old fashioned romantic feeling.... where I'd do anything to bone her. (full quote)
  She broke up with me cuz I didnt listen to her enough or something. I dont know i wasnt paying attention. (full quote)
  Petey?? You sold my dead bird to blind kid?? Lloyd, Petey didn't have a head!! (full quote)
  Woman with Austrian accent:...You go straight ahead and make left over bridge. Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have! New Jersey? Woman: Austria. Lloyd: Austria, wow! Well then, g'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! Woman: Let's not! (full quote)
  Yeah I called her up, she gave me all this crap about me not listening enough to her or somethin', i dont know i wasn't really paying attention. (full quote)
  escuse me flo?Flo like the tv show! (full quote)
  whatsa matter harry some little filly break your heart? no, it was a girl. (full quote)
  So where ya headin? Aspen ah California Beautiful (full quote)
  Tic-Tac sir (full quote)
449 you sold your Petie to a blind kid? (full quote)
449 We're with Seabass (full quote)
3505 Did ya hear about The Monkeys? They were a major influence on The Beatles... (full quote)
Paul_Lvr_18 We got no food, we got no jobs, OUR PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF! (full quote)
8453 look at the butt on that one. Yeah, he must work out. (full quote)
8487 We have no jobs, no money! OUR PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!! (full quote)
8487 1) Please, kill me first 2) No,no, kill me. Yesterday was the best day of my life. Mary and i went skiing, had a snowball fight, made a snow man, she touched my leg. 1) OKAY, KILL HIM!!!!!!! (gun goes off and the bullet hits person 2 in the chest, and he falls on the bed.) 1) You killed my best friend!!!! (full quote)
8487 We normally don't pick up hitchhikers, but i have a good feeling about this one. Saddle up, partner! (full quote)
8487 We successfully got a bull dog to mate with a shih tzu. We call it a bull-shit. (full quote)
8487 1) You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Petie didn't even have a head! 2) Harry, I took care of it! (next scene shows the kid holding a parakeet with Scotch tape holding it's severed head to it's neck.) (full quote)
8487 I just thought he was really quiet. (full quote)
8487 1) But what if he shot you in the head? 2) *gasp* (looks at FBI agent) yeah, what if he had shot me in the head? 3) That's a chance we were willing to take. (full quote)
8487 Who are these sick people? (full quote)
8487 No way! WE'VE landED ON THE MOON!!! (full quote)
8487 1)What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me gettin' together? 2) Not good. 1) You mean like one out of a hundred? 2) more like one out of a million. 1) So you're tellin' me there's still a chance? (full quote)
8487 Husband? what was all that one out of a million talk? (full quote)
8487 1) That's a very nice accent you have. New Jersey? 2) Austria! G'day mate! Let's put a shrimp on the barbie! 2) Let's not. (full quote)
8685 I'd like to eat her liver with a side of fava beans and a bottle of Chianti (full quote)
8727 what was all that one-in-a-million talk?> (full quote)
jevans68 That John Denver is full of shit, man. (full quote)
Splent Hey, do you know the most annoying sound in the world? EEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
9185 We landed on the moon! (full quote)
Demar 1)How was your day? 2) Not bad, I fell off the jetway again. (full quote)
9726 1) I was expecting the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this 2) I was thinking the same thing....that John Denver's full of shit man (full quote)
9841 So you're telling me there's a chance? (full quote)
9847 1. You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? 2. Harry... I took care of it. (full quote)
10274 Lloyd: Some place warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen. Harry: I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
10345 All right, who's the DEADMAN that hit me with the salt shaker? (full quote)
10345 Give me that booze, you pumpkin-pie hair-cutted freak! (full quote)
10345 We have no food, we have no money, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF! (full quote)
10471 1)I expected the Rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this. 2)I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit man. (full quote)
10800 You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? (full quote)
11190 How the hell do they know I got gas? (full quote)
11513 Look at the fun-bags on that hose-hound! (full quote)
11713 Well, I saw your luggage and then , when I noticed the airline ticket, I put two and two together. (full quote)
11824 (1)S-Swimmy, Swammy, S-Slappy, S-Swan-Swanson, Swanson? (2)Well maybe it's on the briefcase. (1)Oh, yeah! Sampsonite! I was way off! (full quote)
12095 Your hands are freezing (full quote)
12470 Why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell you. (full quote)
12643 Seabass felt bad about what happened at lunch, and offered to pick up our check. Seabass said that? Well if that guy over there is Seabass. (full quote)
12643 Swa, Swani, Swant, Swanso, Swanson. Maybe its on the briefcase. Samsonite! I was way off. (full quote)
12674 That's it! I've had it with this dump! We've got no food, we got no jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF! (full quote)
12742 1)good day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! 2)Let's not. (full quote)
12742 We got no food...we got no jobs...our pets heads are falling off!! (full quote)
13245 Who's the dead man who hit me with the saltshaker (full quote)
13307 1: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me, ending up together? 2: Not good. 1: Not good like, 1 in 100? 2: I'd say more like 1 in 1000000. 1: So you're tellin me there's a chance! I read ya. (full quote)
13366 Why you going to the airport...flyin' somewhere? (full quote)
13428 We don't usually pick up hitch hikers...but, I'm gonna go with my instinct on this one. Get in! (full quote)
13758 Don't ya go dyin on me now! (full quote)
13758 I got robbed my a little old lady on a motorized cart..and I didn't even see it comin'! (full quote)
13758 Find a happy place.. (full quote)
13758 Harry: So what happened, he got his meal free and got away scott free? Lloyd: No, about a half mile down the road they caught up to him and slit his throat! It was a good one! (Harry speeds up truck) (full quote)
13821 1.)Just when I think you couldnt possibly get any dumber,you go and pull a stunt like this!AND totalLY REDEEM YOURSELF! (full quote)
13821 1.)Man,the rocky mountains sure are flat.2.)Yeah,that John Denver guy was full of shit. (full quote)
13944 we got no food we got no money and our pets heads are falling off! Haaaaaaarry (full quote)
14043 It's more tingly than hot. (full quote)
14227 We got no FOOD, we got no jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!! (full quote)
14262 We gotta get you ready for the ball Cinderella!!! (full quote)
14262 Hey, how bout a hug?.... I hate goodbyes!!!!!!! (full quote)
14298 Please Mr. Sampsonite (full quote)
14345 1. Austria? Ha! good day, mate! Let's put another sha-rimp on the barbie! 2. Let's not! (full quote)
14391 You know what I'm sick and tired of Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. But most of all... I'm sick and tired of having nobody. (full quote)
14479 killer boots man! (full quote)
14479 TICK TAC SIR? (full quote)
14479 I JUST THOUGHT SHE WAS A RAGGING ALCOHOLIC, TEN IN THE MORNING! (full quote)
14738 Harry:thats a nice set of hooters you got there.Mary:excuse me? Harry:the birds..i means the birds! (full quote)
15009 You want to her the most annoying sound in the world? (full quote)
15031 1.Hey Lloyd. 2. Hey Harry. 3. How was your day? 4. Not too bad, fell off the jet way again. (full quote)
16100 I'll be at the bar, puttin out the VIBE!. (full quote)
16100 Lets go to the bar and get a coupla bowls of loudmouth soup. (full quote)
17437 watch the seats! watch the SEATS! (full quote)
17497 According to this map, we've only gone 2 INCHES!! (full quote)
17856 Let's throw another shrimp on the barbie! (full quote)
17947 I've got worms! (full quote)
18256 We're in a hole, Harry. We're just gonna have to dig ourselves out. (full quote)
18256 Lloyd: Oh? $100 a plate dinner? Well... put us down for four. Harry: Yea, in case we want seconds. (full quote)
18256 Lloyd: Excuse me. Hey do you have change for a dollar? Lil Old Lady: No, I'm sorry. Lloyd: Hey, well can you watch my stuff. While I go break a dollar? Thanks. Hey I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don't you go dying on me! (full quote)
18561 AH...time out. (full quote)
19571 Big Gulp, huh.....welp, seeya later! (full quote)
19761 - Pull over! Pull over! - what? Oh, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing. (full quote)
  I've had it with this dump! We've got no food, we've got not jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF! (full quote)
  Dont you go dyin' on me! (full quote)
  Loyd: Excuse me, Flo? Waitress: Yes? Loyd: what's the soup dujour? Waitress: It's the soup of the day. Loyd: Mmmm, that sounds good. I'll have some. (full quote)
  Just when I think you couldnt get any dumber, you go and pull a stunt this.....AND totalY REEDEEM YOURSELF (full quote)
  LLoyd - I bet you 20 bucks i can get you bettin by the end of the week. I'll give ya 2-1 odds, 5-1, 10-1. Harry-YOU'RE ON. LLoyd - I'm get ya ... I dont know how but I'm gonna get ya (full quote)
  I despretly want to make love to a school boy. (full quote)
  Look at the ass on that. Yea, I bet he works out. (full quote)
  Wanna hear the most annoying noise in the world? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (full quote)
  Manalino) Gas man? How the hell do they know I got gas? Hot chick) These guys must be pros. (full quote)
  Nice accent, New Jersey? No Austria....Oh! lets put another shrimp on the barbi! (full quote)
  Mock yea ing yea bird yea, yea yea mocking bird don't everybody have you heard (have you heard) she's gunna buy me a mocking...and if thy mocking bird she's gone buy me a diamond ring...Hey harry theres' some people who wanna ride too...PICK EM UP!!! mock sea ing sea bird sea sea sea (full quote)
  Nice Hooters, I mean the Birds. (full quote)
  Excuse me... could you tell me how to get to the medical center? I'm supposed to be doing a luncheon in about 20 minutes and my drivers a bit lost. (full quote)
  Yeah, I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something...I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention. (full quote)
  yeah... HE must work out. (full quote)
  Hey look frost......vvvoooeeemmm !!! (full quote)
  LLOYD: Harry, we're goin to a little place called Aspen... HARRY: I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
  Aspen? CALIFORNIA!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Aspen? CALIFORNIA!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Story about the blind Rhode Island Boy who was dupped into buying a dead parrokeet.............Who are these sick people? (full quote)
  a little place called aspen.....where beautiful ladies flock like the salmon of capastrona (full quote)
  We landed on the moon! (full quote)
  Mock *yeah!* -ing *yeah!* bird *yeah!* yeah! *yeah* (full quote)
  Hey, how bout a hug?.......SHHH..just go.. (full quote)
  I hate goodbyes..! (full quote)
  Move it or lose it sister! (full quote)
  We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets heads are falling off!!! (full quote)
  Just when I though you couldn't get any dumber, you go an do something like this and totally redeem yourself (full quote)
  Harry: Skis, huh? Beth: That*s right! Harry: Great! They yours? Beth: Uh-huh. Harry: Both of *em? Beth: Um....yea Harry: Ah...cool! (full quote)
  where ya headed. Aspen. Ahh, California, beautiful! (full quote)
  where ya headed? Aspen. Ahh, California, beautiful! (full quote)
  I'm talking about a little place called Aspen. I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
  man....i thought the rocky mountains would be a lot rockier....yeah...that john denver is full of shit (full quote)
  thats a nice accent you got there. New Jersey? Lady: Austria Oh well in that case, G'day mate. Lets Put another shrimp on the barby Lady: lets not (full quote)
  I have this cousin, well, I had this cousin (full quote)
  1: Now be honest. Give it to me straight. What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me getting together? 2: Well...not good. 1: Not good like...1 in 10? 2: more like 1 in a million. 1: So....You're sayin there's a chance. (full quote)
  Why dont you eat up and we'll tell you (full quote)
  1.Tic tac sir 2.Blahhhh, get the hell outta here (full quote)
  Check out the funbags on that hosehound! (full quote)
  Pullover!....No it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing,...ya killer boots man! (full quote)
  Mary, I despretly wanna make love to a school boy (full quote)
  I thought the rocky mountains would be alot more rockier then this! yeah that John Denver is full of shit man (full quote)
  1)Nice Accent....Jersey? 2)No Austria. 1)Oh Lets put another shrimp on the barbi. 2)(Wierd Smile) (full quote)
  Tic-tac, sir? (full quote)
  excuse me...Flo. what's the soup de jour? Flo: it's the soup of the day. Harry: ummmm.... that sounds good... I'll have that. (full quote)
  I like the accent you got there what is it? New Jersey (full quote)
  According to this map, we've only gony about four inches. I don't think we have enough gas money. (full quote)
  mary:any unusual breeding lloyd:no, mostly just doggy style (full quote)
  Feels good to mingle with these laid-back-country-folk, don't it hair? I LIKE IT A LOT. (full quote)
  COP: Pull over!!! Harry: Huh? COP: Pull over!!! HARRY: [as he looks at his sweater]: No, It's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!! (full quote)
  Oh no...Lloyd:what happened Harry.Harry:It's Peety.Lloyd:Oh.Harry:His head fell off. (full quote)
  Lloyd: Why ya going to the airport....flying somewhere? Mary: How'd you guess? Lloyd: Well, I saw your luggage, then when I noticed your airline ticket, I put two and two together. (full quote)
  Harry- I can't feel my hands, they're, they're numb...Lloyd- oooo, here, you can put on these extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get sweatty. Harry- You've had an extra pair of gloves this whole time?! Lloyd- ya!, We're in the Rockies! Harry- I'm gonna kill you! (full quote)
  Husband? Wait a minute...what was all that one in a million talk? (full quote)
  Check please! (full quote)
  im going to kill you (full quote)
  No way! We landed on the moon, all right!!!! (full quote)
  Why don't you eat up and I'll tell ya. (full quote)
  I dont know and i dont care (full quote)
  no way, thats great... we've landed on the moon (full quote)
  yea he was pretty old (full quote)
  i have this uncle.. well i had this uncle (full quote)
  where ya goin. flying somewhere (full quote)
  i fell off the runway again (full quote)
  Harry-One time we succesfully mated a bulldog with a shitzue Mary-Really. That's weird Harry-Ya uh ya we called it a bullshit (full quote)
  Harry...what if they shot you in the face? (full quote)
  turbo lax, just one half teaspoon for fast effective relief! (full quote)
  Hand over the booz you pumpkin-pie haircutted freak! (full quote)
  Excuse me sir? Do you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...Guys Guys Guys (full quote)
  harry: I got fired today loyd: Man! you are one pathetic loser!... No offense harry: oh, none taken (full quote)
  I fell off the jet-way again (full quote)
  Do you not understand the concept of OTHER PEOPLE? (full quote)
  G'day Mate! Let's put another shimp on the barbie! (full quote)
  Harry: whats that? Lloyd: A love momento Harry: whats in it? Lloyd: Man, what kind of low life would go snoopin around in someone else's personal stuff? Harry: Is it locked? Lloyd: Yeah, pretty well too *knocking on door* Harry: There's two people out there with guns Lloyd: Did you pay the gas bill? DO YOU REALIZE what YOU'VE DONE?!?! (full quote)
  That's quite the accent you have there. New Jersey? (full quote)
  Harry: Where'd You Get 25 Bucks? LLoyd: I Sold Some Stuff. Harry: To Who? Lloyd: billy Enforcee Harry: The Blind Kid? Lloyd: Yeah hahaha, *cough* Yeah, Yeah (full quote)
  (1)mock.... (2)yea... (1)ing... (2)yea (1)BIRD (2)yea (full quote)
  lloyd just when i thought you couldn't possibly get any dumber...you go and do something like this...and totalLY REDEEM YOURSELF (full quote)
  Harry...I took care of it! (full quote)
  1)YOU SPILLED THE SALT. the last thing we need going on a cross country trip is for you to spill the salt, now throw it over your sholder. (full quote)
  1)you had an extra set of gloves this whole time 2) ya! Were in the rockies! (full quote)
  1)I have to go to the bathroom. 2)JUST GO!!!! (full quote)
  what's the soup du jour? It's the soup of the day. Mmm, that's sounds good, I'll have that. (full quote)
  You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?! Harry...I took care of it. (full quote)
  Harry: I thought the Rocky mountains would be a little rickier' n' this. Lloyd: Ya..I was thinkin the same thing....that John Denver is fulla shit! (full quote)
  I desperately want to make love to a school boy. (full quote)
  Swammy, slippy, slappy, swanson...Maybe its on the briefcase...Oh here it is, Samsonite. I was close, I knew it started with an S. (full quote)
  mock>>YEAH>>ing>>YEAH>>bird>>YEAH>>yeah>>YEAH>>mocking bird now everybody have you heard......she's gonna buy me mocking bird.....and if that mocjking bird dont sing......she's gonna buy me a diamond ring....and if that diamond ring dont shine....>>LLOYD, LLOYD, LOOK, THERE SOME PEOPLE>>pick 'em up!!!!! (full quote)
  Loyd:Thats a lovely accent you have there! New Jersey? women:Austria! Loyd:Ohh in that case, Good day mate, Lets put another shrimp on the barbie! women:Lets not. (full quote)
  Pretty bird! Pretty bird! (full quote)
  (Harry)Look at the butt on that thang! (Loyd)yeah he must work out! (full quote)
  ...Now i hardly have time to prep them! (Harry) Oh Mrs.Nute...Nutter..(1)BORN!(2) Born...Nutteborn you won't need to prep them mam i clipped them and groomed them myself and i stand by my preformance (open the door and the dogs are covered in ketchup and mustard) actually you might just wanna run a brush through em' (full quote)
  (Mrs.Nutteborn)...Now i hardly have time to prep them! (Harry) Oh Mrs.Nute...Nutter..(1)BORN!(2) Born...Nutteborn you won't need to prep them mam i clipped them and groomed them myself and i stand by my preformance (open the door and the dogs are covered in ketchup and mustard) actually you might just wanna run a brush through em' (full quote)
  (woman)...alright you seem harmless enough. My number is 555-21...wait thats my old number! hah! you know how sometimes you get those numbers mixed up...(Harry)JUST GIMME THE GAWDDAMN NUMBER!(woman)fine you know what if yer gonna get pushy then just forget it! (full quote)
  Mary-Harry what are you doing in there? Harry- uh...shaving Mary-ok well i hope you aren't using the tiolet!it's broken. (full quote)
  (Joe)Maybe if we trash the appartment they'll get the message. (Hit-man#2)I don't think they're gunna get the message Joe. I mean the guy's got worms in his living room! (full quote)
  You go first! No! You go first! No man you go first! Uh uh You go first! Why don't you two go at the same time! ok. ok. It's not that bad. (full quote)
  Son of a Bitch! (Gurgle Gurgle)...Loyd-C'mon man it wasn't yer fault! Harry-Yeah but he blamed me you heard his last words! Loyd-Well not if you count that gurlgling sound. (full quote)
  Son of a Bitch! (Gurgle Gurgle)...Loyd-C'mon man it wasn't yer fault! Harry-Yeah but he blamed me you heard his last words! Loyd-Well not if you count that gurlgling sound. (full quote)
  Harry: I'm freezing, Loyd...my hands are freezing. Loyd: Oh, well why don't you take these gloves, my hands were getting a little sweaty. Harry: You mean to tell me that you had two pairs of gloves on this whole time? Loyd: Yeah...we're in the Rockies. Harry: I'm going to kill you! Loyd: What? Harry: I'm goning to kill you, Loyd! I gonna thorow that d**** curse in that d**** pond (refering to briefcase full of money). (full quote)
  Loyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere? Mary: Oh, how'd you guess? Loyd: Well, when I put the luggae in the trunk and saw the plane ticket, i put two and two together. (full quote)
  Harry,...I took care of it! (full quote)
  How's your burger? (full quote)
  Why don't you eat up and we'll tell ya (full quote)
  How's your burger? (full quote)
  peace sees its journey (full quote)
  Lloyd: what's the soup du jour? Waitress: Soup of the day Lloyd: Mmmmm... sounds good... I think I'll have one. (full quote)
  wanna hear the mosyt annoing sound in thw world?? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, GUYS GUYS GUYS! cant we just turn on the radio or something? RADIO!?! who needs radio. ready Har?? yah. MOCK. YAH. ING. YAH. BIRD. YAH. YAH YAH. MOCKING BORD DONT EVERYbody HAVE U HEARD. HAVE U HEARD. HES GONA BUY ME A MOCKIN BIRD. AND IF THE MOCKING BIRD DONT SING. BIRDD DONT SING. HES GONNA BUY U A DIAMOND RING, DIAMOND RING, AND IF THAT DIAMOND RING..... LOOK HITCHIKERS... PICK EM UP! (full quote)
  I can't believe were actually doing it aren't we buddy (full quote)
  I like it alot! (full quote)
  I like it alot! (full quote)
  If you think you are dumb, look at me! (full quote)
  I DESPERATELY WANT TO make LOVE TO A SCHOOL BOY! (full quote)
  i just though he was real quiet (full quote)
  Harry Your Hands Are freezing!!!!! (full quote)
  its like stealing candy from a baby but easier (full quote)
  Lloyd... Ahh... I hate goodbyes (full quote)
  Maybe she'll invite us in for tea and strumpets. (full quote)
  Cop: come on! Gimme' the booze ya' little pumpkin pie hair-cutted freak! come on! Uh sir, i wouldn't drink that if i were you! Cop: you'd keep your mouth shut if you knew what was good for you,buddy >choke< Harry: tic tac sir? cop: get the hell out of here! (full quote)
  mock, yeah, ing, yeah, bird, yeah, yeah , yeah, mocking bird dont everybody have you heard. shes gonna buy me mocking bird. and if that mocking bird dont sing shes gonna buy me a dimond ring and if that dimond ring dont shine. hey loyd, theres some people want a ride too. pick 'em up!...(music starts) mock, si, ing, si, bird, si, si, si... (full quote)
  $275-thou, might wanna hang on to that one. (full quote)
  Lloyd: Feltcher? From Cranston? Harry: Ya.ya know her? Lloyd: No I just remember you talkin about her. (full quote)
  Harry: Nice set of hooters u got there. Mary: Pardon me?!. Harry: The owls (full quote)
  MAAAAAAAN...... u r one pathetic loser (full quote)
  Lloyd: Why dont we go to aspen? Harry: i dont know lloyd i hate the french. (full quote)
  Cop: Pull Over! Harry: No cardigan, but thanks for asking! (full quote)
  So he says do you love me? And she says no, but that's a really nice ski mask. (full quote)
  Hey where'd u get those? i bought them when we filled up. lloyd we're supposed to talk bout all expenses we r on a very tight budget. no this doesnt come out of ourtravel fund i was able to make 25 extras bucks before we left. where'd u get 25bucks. i sold sum stuff to billy enforcies. the blind kid! yea, yea. what did u sell him lloyd. stuff. what kinda stuff. i dontknow a few baseball cards a sack of marbles (coughs) petey. petey u sold my dead bird to a blind kid, he what u petey didnt even have a head. harry i took care of it. (full quote)
  Nice set of hooters u got there. i beg ur pardon. the owls their beatuful. oh r u a bird lover. me o no well i used to have a parakett now my special of experties if k-9s dogs the full. o i love dogs to so how ru involved wit them. o i train them cliped them bathed them i've even bread them. o really any unusally breedin. no mostly just doggy style one time we mated a bulldog wit a shit-zu. o really thats wierd. yea we called it a bullshit. (full quote)
  excuse me can u tell me where the university is i'm supposed to bein doin a leature in about 20min and my drivers a bit lost. u go straight ahead then u make a left over the bridge. thats a lovely accent u have, new jersey. austria. austria well good day mate how bout another shrimp on the barbie. lets not. (full quote)
  this is incredble what more could 2single guys ask for. how bout sum food. i ate a big june bug on the way over i'm not really that hungry. well i'm stravin (bumps into a guy and girl)o jez look at the butt on that. yea he must work out (full quote)
  So u got fired again huh. yea they always freak out when u leave the scen of an accident.yea well i lost my job too. man u r one pathetic loser no offence man. nah none taken. (laughs). u kno what really chappes my ass tho i spent my lifes savin turnin my van into a dog the alarm alone cost me 200. hey dont worry its a shaggin wagon. whats wit the breif-case. its a love momento from the beatifulest woman i've ever known i drove to the airport sparks were flyin she acutally talked to me man. get out. yea tractor beams wooo sucked me right in she left this at the airport and flew to aspen outta my life. whats in it. hey i'd have to be a moron to be routin around somebody elses property. it is locked. yea pretty well. (knock at door) theres 2 of them one of thems got a gun. did u pay the gas bill, u realize what u done. i'm sorry i say we bail. ok. (drive away come back home) i cant believe theres not a single job in this town nothin not a zip. yea unless u wanna work 40hrs a week. (full quote)
  wheres the booze. i got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart i didnt even see it coming. ooo. harry, harrry. it gets worse llyod my parakett petey. yea. hes dead. o i'm sorry har what happened. his head fell off. his head. yea it was pretty old. i've had it wit this dump we got no food we got no jobs our pets heads r fallin off!! ok just calm down. what the hell r we doin hea harry we gotta get outta this town. go where where r we gonna go. i kno where someplace warm, somewhere the beer flows like wine somewhere where the women flock to us the salmon of copistrano i'm talkin bout a little place called aspen. i dont kno llyod the french r assholes. (full quote)
  your it!!! (full quote)
  did you pay the gas bill? (full quote)
  Mary: so u'll pick me up at 7:45 tonight? Harry: well, i have a lot of stuff to do, so y dont we make it quarter of 8? Mary: hahaha, stop it! Harry: alrigt, 7:45 it is. (full quote)
  Aspen..........were the beer flows like wine (full quote)
  1-I cant fe fe feel my fingers anymore loyd they're numb 2-oooh....maybe you should wear these extra gloves (full quote)
  You can't stop once you've started...it stings (full quote)
  Pills are good, pills are goooood. (full quote)
  I'd like to eat her liver with some farver beans and a nice khianti. (full quote)
  i can't feel my tongue. (full quote)
  would u like to help us shoot a movie the sexy girls say then the guys say no thanks but there are guys around here that do (full quote)
  harry the velocity... (full quote)
  Harry:I expected the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this Lloyd:Yeah....That John Denver's an asshole (full quote)
  #1.where ya headed. #2.aspen. #1.california nice. (full quote)
  Tick Tack Sir? (full quote)
  I've been robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart....I didnt even see it coming. (full quote)
  Who ARE these sick people? (full quote)
  Who ARE these sick people? (full quote)
  About the only thing we know about that man is he's independantly wealthy, and totally insane (full quote)
  Like 1 in a 100? more like 1 in a million. So you're saying there's a chance! (full quote)
  Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this, and totalLY REDEEM YOURSELF! (full quote)
  How was your day Lloyd? Fell off the jetway again. + Oh yeah sucked her right in tractor beam. DID YOUY PAY THE GAS MAN? DO U KNOW what THIS MEANS? (full quote)
  Hey, pullover....No, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing. (full quote)
  Put us down for four, We might want seconds. (full quote)
  ahh big gulps....well see ya later! (full quote)
  HARRY! your hands are freeeeeeeezing! (full quote)
  You mean to tell me you've had two pairs of gloves this whole time!?....PSHYA we're in the ROCKYS! (full quote)
  no...they met up with him mile down the road and slit his throat........ (full quote)
  You big Goof! (full quote)
  Big Gulp eh? Alright !!...Welp, see ya later (full quote)
  you a little nervous about the filght. you know your more likely to die on the way to the airport, like in a car crash, head on collision, or getting stuck under a gas truck, yeah thats the worse. i have this cousin well i had this cousin. (full quote)
  geez i thought the rocky mountains would be a little rockier than this. yeah that jon denvers full of shit (full quote)
  ...and then she said, I don't know, but that sure is a nice ski mask. (full quote)
  boy, this party really died (full quote)
  I have this cousin, well I had this cousin... (full quote)
  flush you bastard! (full quote)
  So you will pick me up at 7:45?....No I've got something to take care of, more like quarter to 8. (full quote)
  1 (full quote)
  why don't you eat up and we'll tell ya! (full quote)
  THAT REALLY PEEVES ME OFF!! (full quote)
  Policeman:Pull over No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing! (full quote)
  MOCK! yeah! ING! yeah! BIRD! yeah! YEAH! yeah! mocking bird! everybody have you heard?! i'm gunna buy me a mocking bird! (full quote)
  ill tell you where we're gonna go,...someplace warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of capistrano,...im talkin about a little place called Aspen...oh i dont know Loyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
  ill tell you where we're gonna go,...someplace warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of capistrano,...im talkin about a little place called Aspen...oh i dont know Loyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
  Find a happy place. (full quote)
  Big gulps huh? Welp, See you later (full quote)
  heather's got nice hooter's .... excuse me? .... the owl,s they'e great (full quote)
  Heather's got some nice hooters .....excuse me?...... her owls, they're great. (full quote)
  dons hot, heathers hot, they should get together and make hot babies, or parashoot off of a diving board and call it gonnareah (full quote)
  Are those your skis? Both of them? (full quote)
  Come on, give me that booze, you little pumpkin pie-hair cutted freak, come on! (full quote)
  (throws coffee cup at harry) hey! i was wonderin when u were get up?! harry:how how long have i been out? lloyd: (yawning) i'd say a good five hours.. (full quote)
  im gonna ask u a question and i want u to give me an honest answer mary..what r the chances of a guy like u and a girl like me..ending up together? (full quote)
  Harry: What's her name, I'll look it up? Lloyd: You know I don't really remember, it started with an S though, Swimmy, Sawmmy, Swammy, Swimmin, Samon, Swamon, Swanson. Harry: Look on the briefcase, maybe it's on the briefcase. Lloyd: OH YEAH! Here it is: Samsonite, I was way off, I knew it started with an S though. (full quote)
  Harry: What's her name, I'll look it up? Lloyd: You know I don't really remember, it started with an S though, Swimmy?, Sawmmy?, Swammy?, Swimmin?, Samon?, Swamon?, Swanson?, Swanson? Harry: Look on the briefcase, maybe it's on the briefcase. Lloyd: OH YEAH! Here it is: Samsonite, I was way off, I knew it started with an S though. (full quote)
  You sold the dead bird to the blind kid?!? (full quote)
  quick harry, toss some salt over your left shoulder (full quote)
  quick harry, toss some salt over your left shoulder (full quote)
  all we gotta do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and were in like a dirty shirt. (full quote)
  harry-skiies, kool, they yours? -Lady- Uh huh. -harry- both of em'? -lADY- yEA... -harry- oh, kool. loyd-your it harry- your it! harry- nice set of hooters ya got there -mary- i beg your parden-harry- the owls, there beautiful! harry- howd you make an extra 25 bucks-loyd- i sold sum stuff to _____ -harry- THE BLIND KID! well what did you sell him loyd? -loyd-ya know, a sack of marbels, baseball cards (cough petey cough!) -harry- YOU SOLD MY DEAD BIRD TO A BILND KID!-LOYD- HARRY, I TOOK CARE OF IT! -loyd- we got no food, we got no jobs, OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLIN' OFF!-HARRY- ok loyd just calm down! -loyd- suck me sideways! -loyd- im talkin' bout a place called aspen...-harry- i dont know loyd, the french are assholes! (full quote)
  Tell her i have a rapist' wit (full quote)
  I'll tell you where we're gonna go, someplace warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women distictively flock like the salmon of capistrono..I'm talking about a little place called Assssspppppennnnn.......I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
  Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? (full quote)
  Tick Tac Sir?!?! (full quote)
  Harry, I took care of it! (full quote)
  can i wash my winky in your kitchen sinky? (full quote)
  I can't believe there's not a single job in this whole town. yeah, unless you wanna work 40 hours a week! (full quote)
  We don't usually pick up hitchikers, but I'm gonna go with my instinct on this one...saddle up partner (full quote)
  Harry...i took care of it! (full quote)
  SHHHHHH.....Just go! (full quote)
  Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. (full quote)
  Lloyd:Mary,what are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like... (full quote)
  Just when I thought you couldn't be ANY DUMBER, you go and pull a stunt like this...and totally redeem yourself! (full quote)
  Get the hell outa here you pumpkin pie hair cutted freaks (full quote)
  No Lloyd more like one in a million,...So you're saying theres a chance! (full quote)
  why u going to tha airport? flying somewhere? (full quote)
  Harry-I can't believe theres not a single job in this town. Llyod-Ya unless you wanna work 40 hours a week (full quote)
  Lloyd-what do you think the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me maybe endin up together? Mary-Not good. Lloyd-Not good like 1 out of 100? Mary-more like 1 out of 1000000? Lloyd-So your sayin theres a chance? O I read ya loud a clear (full quote)
  I speacialize in k9 DOGS for the lay person (full quote)
  Harry....I took care of it! (full quote)
  Harry, I took care of it.... (full quote)
  no this didnt come out of our travel fund. i was able to pick up 25 extra bucks before we left. howd you get 25 extra bucks? i sold some stuff. to who? to billian foreseed. whuuhh THE BLIND KID? huhuhuh yeah!..........yeah. well what did you sell him? afew baseball cards a sack of marbles.........(cough)Petey. You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lyod, petey didnt even have a head! Harry i took care of it (full quote)
  HARRY: Good plan, wheres she live? LLOYD: I don't know HARRY: What's her last name? I'll look it up LLOYD: Uhh.....you know, I don't really recall. It starts with an S. Swim,swammy,ss,slippy,slappy,slimmon,sommon,simmons,som,swans,swenson,swanson? HARRY: Maybe it's on the briefcase, look on the- LLOYD: OH YEAH! It's right here, Samsonite....I was way off, I knew it started with an S though (full quote)
  HARRY: Good plan, wheres she live? LLOYD: I don't know HARRY: What's her last name? I'll look it up LLOYD: Uhh.....you know, I don't really recall. It starts with an S. Swim,swammy,ss,slippy,slappy,slimmon,sommon,simmons,som,swans,swenson,swanson? HARRY: Maybe it's on the briefcase, look on the- LLOYD: OH YEAH! It's right here, Samsonite....I was way off, I knew it started with an S though (full quote)
  1) Where'd you learn that? 2)Saw it in a movie once. 1) So what, this guy suckers this poor sap into paying for his bill and he gets away scott free? 2) No about a half mile down the road they catch up with him and slit his throat, Ya it was a good one. MMMMMMMM Harry, when you get a chance, pull over. I gotta pee. (full quote)
  i like it a lot (full quote)
  that john denvers full of shit man. (full quote)
  she gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her or something, i dunno i wasn't paying attention. (full quote)
  ...so he said 'do you love me?' and she said 'i dunno but thats areal nice ski mask.' (full quote)
  -when i met mary i got that old fashioned romantic feeling where i'd do anything to bone her -that's a special feeling (full quote)
  Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself! (full quote)
  L: I expected the Rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this. H: I was thinking the same thing. L: That John Denver is full of shit, man. (full quote)
  Here it is! Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S though. (full quote)
  Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? (full quote)
  He Said, Do You Love Me? And The She Said, No! But That's A Real Nice Ski Mask!! (full quote)
  Harry:I'm gonna kill you.Lloyd:What?Harry:I'm gonna kill you!I'm gonna kill you,Lloyd.Lloyd:Calm down.Harry:Right now,I'm gonna kill you. (full quote)
  killer boots man!! (full quote)
  so you say there's a chance (full quote)
  , (full quote)
  You've had two pairs of gloves on this whole time? Pssh yeah it's the rockies (full quote)
  Mary Swanson: Lloyd this is my husband..... Cop: HE'S GOT A GUN!!! Lloyd:(While firing a full round in to Mary's husband) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (full quote)
  not seeing it harry (full quote)
  look at the buns on that one!.......yea, he must work out (full quote)
  swimy..swmy...swanson..swainson...swanson...? look on the briefcase!! oohhhh!!! sampsonite!!! i was way off!! im not seeing it here llyod! maybe the number is unlisted! (full quote)
  chck out those hooters (full quote)
  you hungry?..nah...i ate a junebug on the way in (full quote)
  )Mary(We've been having some, uh family problems... but I dont wanna bor you with those. )Harry(Thanks. (full quote)
  just when i think you could'nt possibly get any dumber, you go and do somehting lie this.. AND totalLY REDEEM YOURSELF! (full quote)
  We're in a hole... we're just gonna have to dig ourselves out. (full quote)
  1) So what happens, this guy tricks some sucker into payin for his check and gets away with it scotch free? 2) No, in the movie they catch up with him a half-mile down the road and slit his throat. It was a good one! (full quote)
  NICE SKIIES!, THANKS, THEY yourS?, YEAH, BOTH OF UM? (full quote)
  Lloyd : I'm only human, Harry. Come on! So we backtracked a tad! Harry: A tad? A tad, Lloyd?! You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep! (full quote)
  Pretty bird (full quote)
  Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a shiatsu. Mary: Really? That's unusual. Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit. Ha ha ha! (full quote)
  Lloyd (with Australian accent): G'day, mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! Austrian Girl: Let's not. (full quote)
  Lloyd: where you headed? Mary: Aspen. Lloyd: California! Beautiful. (full quote)
  Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together? Mary: Not good. Lloyd: You mean not good like 1 out of 100? Mary: I'd say more like 1 out of a million. Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance? Yeah! (full quote)
  I desperately wanna make love to a schoolboy. (full quote)
  JOHNY CRACKER...Mannn your one pathetic loser (full quote)
  Zach Nolin has a big moose in his head... what is the dan mcdermit you little wiener poop? GIMUNDO (full quote)
  That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey? Austria. Austria! Well then, good day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barby! Lets not (full quote)
  uu (full quote)
  Marry:Any unusuall breadin? Harry:No mostly just doggy style. (full quote)
4927 Our pets heads are fallin off!!! (full quote)
4927 Our pets' heads are falling off! (full quote)
CarmiCrowe I would never do anything to offend a man of that size. (full quote)
CarmiCrowe We're in a hole, Harry. We're just gonna have to dig ourselves out. (full quote)
13284 1. Excuse me, do you know where the hospital is? My driver is a little lost and I'm supposed to be giving a lecture in about 20 minutes. 2. You go straight ahead and take a left over the bridge. 1. That's a wonderful accent you have. New Jersey? 2. Austria. 1. Austria! Ha ha! (Austrailan accent) G'day mate, let's put another shrimp on the barbie! 2. Let's not! (full quote)
13284 1. I'm only human, Harry! Anybody can make a mistake! C'mon, get up, big baby, so we backtracked a tad! 2. A TAD? A TAD, LLOYD? YOU JUST DROVE US A SIXTH OF THE COUNTRY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANY money TO GET TO ASPEN, WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO GET HOME, WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH money TO EAT, WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH money TO SLEEP! 1. Harry, we're just in a big hole and will have to dig ourselves out of it! 2. You're right, you're absolutely right! (leaves) 1. Where are you going? 2. Home! I'm walking home! 1. Well, pardon me, MR. PERFECT! I guess I forgot that you never make a mistake! (full quote)
13284 1. We just drove around all day and there is not a single job in this town, there's nothing, nada, zip! 2. Yeah, unless you wanna work 40 hours a week! (full quote)
15952 1) Your honor I object! 2) And why is that? 1)Because it's devastating to my case! 2) Overruled. 1) Good call! (full quote)
Sarah ;D Harry...I took care of it! (full quote)
20170 You want to hear the most annoying sound in the world....? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
20371 Excuse me Flo? (hehe) what's is the Soup De Jour? ( It's the Sooup of the Day...) Mmmm... That sounds good. I'll have that. (full quote)
21451 Lloyd: Man you gotta be a low life to go rooting around in other people's private property! Harry: Is it locked? Lloyd: Yeah, really well! (full quote)
21675 (1) Uh oh,...(2)what? whats the matter? (1) You spilled the salt thats whats the matter. Spilling the salt is very bad luck. We're drivin half way around the country, the last thing we need is bad luck. Quick, throw some salt over your right shoulder! (3) what the hell! (full quote)
cudzo44 Hey guys. Big gulps huh. Well, see ya later. (full quote)
22966 Killer boots man! (full quote)
22966 He's got me mad...I almost like it. (full quote)
22966 Get off the phone. Get off the... (full quote)
22966 That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey? (full quote)
22966 That John Denver's full of shit. (full quote)
22966 Last but not least, foot long. Who's got the foot long! (full quote)
22966 1)what's the matter Harry, some philly break your heart? 2)No, it was a girl. (full quote)
22966 Oh, so you're Mr. Samsonite. (full quote)
sjg1983 The first time I laid eyes on Mary I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her. (full quote)
23711 I just thought she was a raging alchoholic! (full quote)
24553 what's a matter Harry? Some philly break your heart? >> No, it was a girl. (full quote)
24553 so why you going to the airport...flying somewhere? (full quote)
24553 NOTE: Dear Gasman: Sorry about the $ moved to Aspin (full quote)
24558 Loydd-Your hands are freezing, here take these. Harry-you had two pairs of gloves this whole time! Loydd-...Pshh chaaa were in the Rockies! (full quote)
25404 THIS IS THE only CORRECT VERSION OF THIS: Big Gulps huh? WelP, see ya later! (it's WELP, not WELL!!) (full quote)
25941 I hate goodbyes! Shhh...Just go. (full quote)
1ajas Killer boots, man!! (full quote)
1ajas Our pets heads are falling off! (full quote)
Roy Phux That John Denver is full of shit, man. (full quote)
27700 Pretty Bird....Pretty Bird (full quote)
28056 Dude in restaurant: Kick his ass Seabass!!! (full quote)
28233 Look at the funbags on that hosehound! (full quote)
28557 1)That was genius! How did you come up with a scheme like that? 2)I saw it in a movie. 1)So, what happened? Two guys tricked someone into paying for their tab and got away scot free? 2)No, in the movie, they catch up to them about a half mile down the road, and slit their throats. It was a good one! (full quote)
uscangel It's more tingly than hot. (full quote)
crowecat I swallowed a big junebug while we were driving. I'm not really hungry. (full quote)
crowecat 1) Nice set of hooters you got there. 2) I beg your pardon? 1) The owls. (full quote)
crowecat Boy, this party really died. (full quote)
crowecat 1) what if he shot me in the face? 2) That was a risk we were going to take. (full quote)
29397 Pills are good. Pills are gooooood. (full quote)
69phreak69 You wouldn't believe all the road pizza – two dead dogs, a couple of rabbits, a snake and some big thing I couldn't even recognize. (full quote)
30585 excuse me, flo, what's the soup du jour? (full quote)
31851 good by my love!! (full quote)
31851 it okay im a limo driver! (full quote)
troy i fell off the jet way again... (full quote)
troy there isnt a single job in this whole city! yea, unless u want to work 40 hours a week! pssht! (full quote)
troy u know, that feeling where u would do anything to bone her. oh, oh, yea, thats a special one. (full quote)
troy goodbye my loooooooov(giant airbag deploys after he hits a car) (full quote)
troy u heard it! he blamed me! those were his last words. not if u count that gurgling noise... (full quote)
troy u been...uhhh...suckin back on a little bit of grandpa's old coughsyrup have ya? (full quote)
troy hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! (llyod on his way to mary's after giving harry the x-lax) (full quote)
GCDawg65 Hey what's her name I'll look it up. Sammy, swammy, slappy, swimmy, swinson, swanson...Hey check the briefcase, maybe it's on there. Samsonite...I was way off. (full quote)
37516 I thought the Rocky Mountians would be a little more rocky than this. That John Denver's full of shit, man. (full quote)
37516 1: I thought the Rocky Mountains were a little more rocky than this. 2: Yeah, that John Denver's full of shit, man. (full quote)
37655 Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. (full quote)
37655 Lloyd: Hey, I guess they're right: senior citizens; although slow and dangerous behind the wheel--can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back, don't you go dying on me! (full quote)
38431 The gas man? How did they know I have gas? (full quote)
38470 Big gulps huh....well see ya later (full quote)
40504 that john denver is full of shit (full quote)
40905 1.where are you from? 2.Austria. 1. Well...g'day mate! Let's throw another shrimp on the barbie. (full quote)
43262 Police Officer: Hey pull over Harry: what?! Police Officer: Pull over Harry: NO! It's a cardigan but thanks for noticing Llyod: YEAH killer boots man (full quote)
43400 1) And do you know what he did next? 2) NO! AND I DON'T care!! 1) Well he came home and he wanted to fix the sink! I couldn't believe it!! (full quote)
  We got no food, no jobs...our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN OFF (full quote)
  Pullover! No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for asking. (full quote)
  Pardon me Mister PERFECT!! i forgot you never ever make a mistake (full quote)
  Pardon me Mister PERFECT!! i forgot you never ever make a mistake (full quote)
  From around here? (full quote)
  senior citizens although slow and dangerous, still serve a pursose! Don' t you do dying on me. (full quote)
  both cheeks, both lips, right here, muah muah muah muah (full quote)
  Freda told me the whole sleezy story Mr. French Tickler (full quote)
  pull over (full quote)
  Harry i took care of it (full quote)
  SO YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S A CHANCE (full quote)
  here have my extra gloves my hands are getting kinda sweaty (full quote)
  Samsonite, I was way off (full quote)
  I hate goodbyes! (full quote)
  Hey look they have the Monkeys. They had a huge influence on the Beatles (full quote)
  1.what are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...I mean a girl like you and a guy like me getting together? 2. One in a million 1. So you're sayin there's a chance?!!! (full quote)
  No you're the one whose brain has the shell on it (full quote)
  no and i don't care (full quote)
  youve had an extra pair of gloves this whole time yea were in the rockies (full quote)
  good bye my loooove! (full quote)
  That's a lovely accent you have...New Jersey? -Austria Austria! Well then, g'day mate. ha ha. lets put another shrimp on the bobi! -lets not. (full quote)
  No way! That's great! WE landED ON THE MOON! (full quote)
  The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her. (full quote)
  We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF! (full quote)
  1. I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen. 2. Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes. (full quote)
  Wow, two lucky guys are going to get to drive around with those girls for the next couple of months. (full quote)
  Lloyd Christmas: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey? Lady at bus stop: Austria. Lloyd Christmas: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Ha. Ha. Ha. Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! Lady at bus stop: Let's not. (full quote)
  Harry: So you got fired today? Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident. Harry: I lost my job today too. Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense. (full quote)
  Excuse me is it 10am yet? No sir its 1pm. Yeah thats what i have too i was just hoping mine was a little fast (full quote)
  Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a shih tzu. Mary: Really? That's weird. Harry: Yeah, we call it a baloney! (laughs) (full quote)
  Harry, I took care of it! (full quote)
  k (full quote)
  There's really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like in a head-on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck. That's the worst! I have this cousin, well, I had this cousin..... (full quote)
  I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Assspennn. (full quote)
  how bout a hug (full quote)
  i like it i like it alot (full quote)
  someplace warm...someplace where the beer flows like wine...someplace where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano (full quote)
  super, thanks for asking (full quote)
  1.- You sold Petey!? 2.- Pretty bird, pretty bird. (full quote)
4105 yelling: Our pet's head's are falling off!!! (full quote)
13284 1. Come on, let me do 'em, let me do both of them, you don't have to worry about it! 2. Just SHUT UP! We don't even know these guys! You don't KILL people you don't know, that's a rule! (full quote)
13284 Some people just weren't cut out for life on the road! (full quote)
13284 1. life's a fragile thing, Harry. One minute, you're chewing on a burger and the next, you're dead meat. 2. Well, he blamed me, those were his last words. 1. Not if you count the gurgling sound. (full quote)
13284 (slurred)Hi there. You wouldn't happen to have a cup of warm water, would you? (full quote)
13284 1. Got room for one more if you still want to go to Aspen. 2. Where did you find that? 1. Some kid back in town, traded the van for it, straight up. I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog. 2. You know, Lloyd, just when I think that you can't get any dumber, you go and do something like this...AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF! (full quote)
13284 1. I c-can't feel my fingers anymore, Lloyd, they-they're numb! 2. Maybe you should wear this pair of extra gloves. My hands are starting to get sweaty. 1. Extra gloves? You've had this pair of extra gloves the whole time? 2. Yeah, we're in the Rockies. (full quote)
13284 I'm going to toss this damn curse right into that damn pond! (full quote)
Marvin Acme Tell her I'm good-looking and I'm rich and I have a rapist's wit. (full quote)
40905 You sold our dead bird to a blind kid? (full quote)
40905 1.what is the soup du jour? 2.It's the soup of the day. 3.Mmmm, that sounds good, I'll have that. (full quote)
40905 I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming! (full quote)
44339 ...no, but that's a real nice ski mask! (full quote)
44339 Big Gulps, huh? Well, see you later! (full quote)
44471 So he says -do you love me, and she says -no, but that's a real nice ski mask!! (full quote)
44862 1. One time we breeded a bull dog with a shitzu. 2. Really, that's weird. 1. Yeah we called it a bull shit. (Harry laughing histerically) (full quote)
44862 I can't beleive there is not a single job out there. there's nothin. Yeah ... unless you wanna work fourty hours a week. (full quote)
44862 Hi Lloid, hi Harry. How was your day? Not bad, fell off the jetway again. (full quote)
44862 Hey guys big gulps huh? ... Well see ya later. (full quote)
45511 That John Denver was full of shit man! (full quote)
45511 I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
45511 1) I figured the Rocky mountains would be a rockier than this. 2) I was thinking the same thing. 1) That John Denver's full of shit man. (full quote)
45511 Husband? what was all that one in a million talk? (full quote)
45511 Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don't you go dying on me. (full quote)
DoOrDoNot Check out the funbags on that hosehound (full quote)
DoOrDoNot We got no money, we got no food, our pets' heads are faling off!! (full quote)
DoOrDoNot I thought the Rockies would be a little more rockier than this...Yea, that John Denver is full of shit man. (full quote)
DoOrDoNot Thats a lovely accent you have.., New Jersey? Austria. Oh Austria...well gooday mate, why don't we throw another shrimp on the barbie. (full quote)
Syko Rymez Harry:and one of them's got a gun Lloyd: Harry... did you pay the gas bill? Harry makes face implying he didnt pay it Lloyd: do you REALIZE WHAT YOUVE DONE? (full quote)
47896 I don't know, Lloyd, the French are assholes. (full quote)
47896 Tell her that i've got a rapists wit. (full quote)
smitty I got worms (full quote)
smitty You keep quiet you little pumpkin pie haircutted freak. (full quote)
fal0002 Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention (full quote)
alexismarie Man that John Denver's full of shit (full quote)
angiedcoope why dont you eat youre burger and we'll tell ya (full quote)
glowincaterpillar We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets' heads are fallin' off!! (full quote)
glowincaterpillar Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy! (full quote)
glowincaterpillar Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself! (full quote)
Calamity1511 Our pets heads are falling off!!!! (full quote)
fieldlambo b (full quote)
gdoutwitotb They yours?....Both of 'em? (full quote)