“- Guy on Green: It's about time!- Happy Gilmore: Yeah it is about time. I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I wanted to but I just couldn't do it.”
“- Chubbs: Thanks for dressing up.- Happy Gilmore: If saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.”
“Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief.”
“Gummi bear? It's been in my pocket; they're real warm and soft.”
“There's no place like home.”
“Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila... er, phila... er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers.”
“Saturday night was for wives, but Friday night at the Copa was always for the girlfriends.”
“- Johnny Dio: How do you like your steak? - Paul Cicero: Medium rare. - Johnny Dio: Huh. An aristocrat.”
“Come live with me. And die with me, and everything with me.”
“A normal man, given a group photograph of school girls and asked to point out the loveliest one, will not necessarily choose the nymphet among them.”
