“- Sharmeen: I was so worried. We saw on the news that a train derailed, and we thought that you were on the train, and you had died.
- Kumail: Nobody died on that train, ma.
- Sharmeen: But did they look under the train?”
Zenobia Shroff - Sharmeen
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail

“I have replaced an evil brain with a good one. I have made amends for the great tragedies my father and my brother unintentionally brought to this community. I have restored the good name of Frankenstein.”
Cedrick Webster Hardwicke - Dr. Frankenstein

“- Reporter Brenda: We just received word that some sort of tragedy has happened in the high school today.
- Sheriff McCloud: No, nothing unusual.
- Reporter Brenda: I was referring to the slaughter.
- Sheriff McCloud: Right, there was that. Earlier today one of the students got badly killed.”
Nannette Brown - Reporter Brenda
Jay O. Sanders - Sheriff McCloud

“The last thing to determine conclusively is whether you're in a comedy or a tragedy. Tragedy, you die. Comedy, you get hitched.”
Dustin Hoffman - Professor Jules Hilbert

“There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.”
Nicolas Cage - Yuri Orlov