“- Dora Diamond: You have a girlfriend?
- Paul Tannek: Ex-girlfriend. We dated in high school.
- Dora Diamond: Do you still see her?
- Paul Tannek: No. She lost some weight over the summer, so she's dating a lot more now. You know how it goes.”
Mena Suvari - Dora Diamond
Jason Biggs - Paul Tannek

“- Tess Coleman: You cannot eat fast food.
- Anna Coleman: Why not?
- Tess Coleman: Because it will go down your throat and drop instantly to my thighs!”

Jamie Lee Curtis - Tess Coleman
Lindsay Lohan - Anna Coleman

“A-hundred-n-seventeen? This baby's gonna be a big 'un daddy.”

Sissy Spacek - Loretta Lynn

“Do you know why the number two hundred is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It's your weight and my I.Q.”

Gene Hackman - Lex Luthor

“- Jelly: I'm gonna get a bite to eat. You wanna sandwich or somethin'?
- Miami Hall Guard: What kind of sandwich ain't too fattening?
- Jelly: A half a sandwich.”
Joe Viterelli - Jelly
Dave Corey - Miami Hall Guard