“- King Neptune: This crown does more than cover a slightly receding hairline. It entitles the wearer to rule the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.
- Mindy: I'm going to be bald?
- King Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, like your father.”
Jeffrey Tambor - King Neptune
Scarlett Johansson - Mindy

“My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.”
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Lester Bangs

“- Buddy Bragg: Here ma'am. Let me help you with these. Beautiful young lady like you shouldn't be carrying groceries. Let a man do that for you.
- Parking Lot Woman: Now, I didn't ask you for help, so don't expect a tip.
- Buddy Bragg: Oh, that's okay ma'am. I'll just take your car.”
Ving Rhames - Buddy Bragg
Susan Hatfield - Parking Lot Woman

“- Herbert Arthur Runcible Cadbury: After all that this family has done for you, and this is how you behave?
- Ferguson: Well, yeah, so I guess I won't be getting that Employee of The Year Award, after all, eh?”
Jonathan Hyde - Herbert Arthur Runcible Cadbury
Chelcie Ross - Ferguson

“You know what, Mom? You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas? A big, wooden cross. So anytime you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.”
Kevin Spacey - Lloyd