“- Anna Coleman: I'm old!
- Tess Coleman: I beg your pardon!
- Anna Coleman: I'm like the Cryptkeeper!”

Lindsay Lohan - Anna Coleman
Jamie Lee Curtis - Tess Coleman

“- Rosie: Excuse me! Coming through! I have a senior citizen with me. Thank you. My mother needs a perch.
- Tanya: Mother? We're the same age!
- Rosie: Yeah. Well, parts of us are.”
Christine Baranski - Rosie
Julie Walters - Tanya

“Policeman's bodies age at different rates. Look at me... I got a belly in its 50's, my balls are in their 60's and my feet are in their 80's.”
Lance Henriksen - Freddy Ross

“How 'bout a cigarette? Nothing like a good smoke when you miss your mom... Never too young to start!”
Dennis Hopper - Deacon

“- Norda: How old are you?
- Snails: Twenty-three. Yeah, I know I'm a little young for you, but what if I get my hands on an aging potion, huh? I'll sacrifice a couple of years for you.
- Norda: I'm two hundred and thirty-four.”
Kristen Wilson - Norda
Marlon Wayans - Snails