“- Therapist: Why do you come to see me every week?
- Kate: My boss said she'd fire me if I didn't get therapy.
- Therapist: Why do you think, she thinks you need therapy? Why?
- Kate: You know what, I haven't the faintest idea.”
Bob Balaban - Therapist
Catherine Zeta-Jones - Kate

“Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of.”

Everett Sloane - Mr. Bernstein

“- Jack Putter: How do you treat that?
- Dr. Greenbush: Well the medieval remedy was to flay the skin off your body with brands of fire. I have no idea what the current technique is.”

Martin Hayter Short - Jack Putter
William Schallert - Dr. Greenbush

“We need to start treating the patient as well as the disease.”
Robin Williams - Patch Adams

“- Doctor: Your testicles have grown to the size of Florida oranges.
- Maxxx Orbison: Don't you think I notice that? Tell me something I don't know, you cocky prick!
- Doctor: I am going to have to amputate your pee pee.”
Lloyd Kaufman - Doctor
Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison