“- Ed: I'll teach him everything I know!
- Mr. Baily: Oh... God, help me.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Dan Schneider - Mr. Baily

- Charles "Commie" Comiskey: Well we're prepared to give you a 5 year contract...
- Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Lifetime contract.
- Judge Friend: Lifetime?
- Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: A man worried about his job is bound to play favorites. Now you gentlemen don't want that do you?

Clifton James - Charles "Commie" Comiskey
John Anderson - Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Dick Cusack - Judge Friend

“- Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
- Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
- Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!”
Tony Curtis - Joe
Jack Lemmon - Jerry

“- Luggage Salesman: Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?
- Joe: No.
- Luggage Salesman: It's the central preoccupation of my life.”
Barry McGovern - Luggage Salesman
Tom Hanks - Joe

“I am really a very fine worrier. I worry about almost anything. I worry about all my picture roles. But I do all my serious worrying away from the studio. For instance, I have a nice swimming pool. I worry about it being a waste of space in the back yard.”
William Powell