“- Porthos: Aramis! You sawed the beam! You knew I would I try to hang myself and you sawed the beam! Admit it. Admit it!
- Aramis: Of course I knew! And now that you've got the idea of killing yourself out of your head you can stop boring everyone and be useful for a change. And put some clothes on!”

Gérard Depardieu - Porthos
Jeremy Irons - Aramis

“- Martin Geldheart: What is the one thing that landscape architecture requires?
- Art Student: A social motif.
- Martin Geldheart: Right.”
Timothy Hutton - Martin Geldhart
Mary Fortune - Art Student

“At first, Xi tried the thing out to cure thongs; it had the right shape and just the right weight. It was also beautifully smooth and ideal for curing snakeskin. And Pabo discovered you could make music on it... and every day they discovered a new use for the thing.”

Paddy O'Byrne - Narrator

“When you use more than 5 percent of your brain, you don't want to be on earth; believe me.”
Rip Torn - Bob Diamond

“- Bob Diamond: For example, I use forty-eight percent of my brain. Do you know how much you use?
- Daniel Miller: Forty... seven?
- Bob Diamond: Three.”
Rip Torn - Bob Diamond
Albert Brooks - Daniel Miller