- Helen Sharp: You're a powerful sexual being, Ernest.
- Ernest Menville: I am?
- Helen Sharp: Yes, you are. If I never told you before, it was because I wasn't the sort of girl who could say the word "sexual" without blushing.
Goldie Hawn - Helen Sharp
Bruce Willis - Ernest Menville

“You want me here for sex, don't you. I never really did it before, I was always too shy. But I've decided I'd really like to do it with you.”

John Amplas - Martin

“The quiet ones are always the freaks.”
Conchata Ferrell - Berta

“If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman.”
Jim Carrey - Joel Barish

“- Mom: Honey, I want you to make some friends this summer, lots of them.
- Scotty Smalls: Yeah, I know. But I'm not good at anything, mom. Face it, I'm just an egghead.”
Karen Allen - Mom
Tom Guiry - Scotty Smalls