“I'm not my father, Diane, just like you're not your father. If we were our fathers, what we did last night would only be legal in Arkansas.”
Jay Mohr - Anthony 'Tony' Cortino

“- Romy White: You have absolutely no proof that you're cuter.
- Michele Weinberger: Oh, proof. You want proof? Ok, fine. Who lost their virginity first?
- Romy White: Oh, big wow, with your cousin Barry. I wouldn't brag about it.”
Mira Sorvino - Romy White
Lisa Kudrow - Michele Weinberger

“- Randolph: You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?
- Jeremy Grey: Jam, I...
- Randolph: Listen man, the family dog lives downstairs. I can wake him up for you if you like. His name is Snooky.”
Ron Canada - Randolph
Vince Vaughn - Jeremy Grey

“- Alonzo: I've got five. All boys. You ever need a son, you let me know. I'll hook your old lady up. I can't miss.
- Jake: Can we not talk about my family?
- Alonzo: That's cool, I respect that. I remember what it was to have a pretty young bride. You probably still fuck her face to face, don't you?”
Denzel Washington - Alonzo
Ethan Hawke - Jake

“My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm animals.”
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley