- Sam Stone: Did you see Carson last night?
- Harvey Holroyd: No, I missed it.
- Sam Stone: Johnny had this chick on with incredible jugs, and he turned to the audience and says "We'll be right back after a few tits from our sponsor".
- Harvey Holroyd: Come on.
- Sam Stone: I swear to god. I swear to god! I almost fell out of bed!
Bill Macy - Sam
Martin Mull - Harvey

“I'm a normal, red-blooded American man. I like to look at naked women. I love breasts; the bigger, the better. Nipples like udders, nipples like saucers, big pale rosy-brown nipples. Little bitty baby nipples. Real or fake, what's the difference? I like tits. Who's kidding who? Tits are great!”
Greg Kinnear - Bob Crane

“- Walt Tenor: What's a three-letter word for man's best friend?
- April Mercedes: Tit?”
Greg Kinnear - Walt Tenor
Eva Mendes - April Mercedes

“If you think a 401k is your mother-in-law's bra size, you might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“- Heather: That is a two-way mirror, girl. People are watching you!
- Barb: I know!”

Vanessa Ferlito - Heather
Kelli Garner - Barb