- Buffy Gilmore: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?
- Brenda Meeks: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.
- Shorty Meeks: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.
Shannon Elizabeth - Buffy Gilmore
Regina Hall - Brenda Meeks
Marlon Wayans - Shorty Meeks

“There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“- Robbie Freeling: Why can't we get a TV, like everybody else.
- Steve Freeling: No! No, we can't get a TV.
- Robbie Freeling: Great! I'll just have to grow up retarded!
- Steve Freeling: Come on, Rob! Kids don't grow up retarder because of lack of television.”
Oliver Robins - Robbie Freeling
Craig T. Nelson - Steve Freeling

“Why don't you watch television or something? And keep it on cartoons, don't try to get smart!”
David Arquette - Gordon

“I am not stupid. Heh, heh. I just enjoy giving the appearance of being stupid. You see, from an early age I've reveled in the appearance of stupidity which is given me a great deal of time to think. So I been thinking... No more TV. No more TV dinners. If you like, no more baseball.”
Gary Busey - The Ballplayer