- Jeff Dunham: Walter, what exactly is marriage to you?
- Walter: It's like drinking a slurpy.
- Jeff Dunham: A slurpy.
- Walter: First couple of sips, it's like "boy this is really good! I'm glad I did this!". Then you keep drinking, it goes right to your head, and you go "ow, ow, ooooow! What the hell was I thinking? Someone kill me please!".
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“Does he think he just did something here? Shit. I could have had a V-8.”
Lela Rochon - Robin Stokes

“- Barnaby: Do you regret not having married him?
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Look who's talking! What about Elvira Bliss?
- Barnaby: Oh, for heaven's sake. Elvira Bliss. That was in grammar school.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I know. She was the teacher.”
Cary Grant - Dr. Barnaby Fulton
Ginger Rogers - Mrs. Edwina Fulton

“Oh Jessica, my beloved concubine. I should have married you.”
Jürgen Prochnow - Duke Leto Atreides

“- Father McKenna: I know a lot of people who have been married for years and they are still having second thoughts.
- Amy Jensen: That's encouraging.
- Father McKenna: But they should have never been married to begin with. They just made bad decisions and picked incompatible mates.”
John Bottoms - Father McKenna
Caitlin O'Heaney - Amy Jensen