“You know what really chaps my ass? After years of training and study, the only parts they'll give us are gangbangers. Just once I'd like to play a character who has decent grammar and doesn't wear Timberlands.”
Taye Diggs - Sean James

“Oh My God! It's Wayne Newton! Can I be your bodyguard? I'd die for ya.”
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie

“This is the moneymaker! I'm not that good of an actor! This is how I get the jobs, I know that.”

Ashton Kutcher - Hank

“Being an actor's no different than being a rugby player or construction worker, save for the fact that my tools are the mechanisms which trigger human emotion.”
Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus

“- Terry Randall: The trouble with you is you're all trying to be comics. Don't you ever take anything seriously?
- Judith: After you've sat around for a year trying to get a job, you won't take anything seriously either.”
Katharine Hepburn - Terry Randall
Lucille Desiree Ball - Judith