“- Jim McAllister: There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
- Dave Novotny: Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.”
Matthew Broderick - Jim McAllister
Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny

“- Davey: Can I prance around with my morning erection?
- Whitey: If you do you'll want an automatic ejection cause that's a technical foul!
- Eleanor: But I would like to see it anyway!”
Adam Sandler - Davey
Adam Sandler - Whitey
Adam Sandler - Eleanore

“- Leonidas: Adjust your sword boy, it's digging into my back.
- Sonio: But I'm not wearing my sword.”
Sean Maguire - Leonidas
Travis Van Winkle - Sonio

“- Rapist #1: I'm gettin' my dick wet.
- Rapist #2: She's only got one leg.
- Rapist #1: Easier access.
- Rapist #2: Oh... that is a good point.”
Quentin Tarantino - Rapist #1
Gregory Kelly - Rapist #2

“Mount Everest just moved into my pants.”
Al Pacino - Val