“Mom, is this a sex talk?!”
Juliette Lewis - Carla

“- Lloyd Christmas: I feel like a schoolboy again. A schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you.
- Mary Swanson: I thought I heard you talking to someone.
- Lloyd Christmas: [now extremely nervous] Mary... I... I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.”

Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas
Lauren Holly - Mary Swanson

- Veronica: You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I'd like to give him. "Gee, blank, I had a really nice...".
- Brad: Save the speeches for Malcolm X, I just want to get laid.
- Veronica: You don't deserve my fucking speech.
Winona Ryder - Veronica
Kent Stoddard - Brad

“No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!”
Thomas Ian Nicholas - Kevin Myers

“Hey Phoebe. I just wanted to say that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I mean, not perfect, obviously, but better. Like, we'll probably have to get a new house. and also cars. But I'm coming to get you and this will all be over. Soon-ish.”

Jesse Eisenberg - Mike Howell