“- Freddy Nefler: You'll be much less neurotic if your parents are happily divorced, rather than unhappily married.
- Phyllis Nefler: Thank you, Phil Donahue.
- Freddy Nefler: I saw it on Oprah!”
Craig T. Nelson - Freddy Nefler
Shelley Lee Long - Phyllis Nefler

“- T.J. Krupp: My dad treats my mom like dirt.
- Matt Finley: And my dad's coming up on his second year with Louise.
- Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf: So?
- Matt Finley: So he always divorces in his second year, you know that, it's like clockwork.”
Herbert Russell - T.J. Krupp
Mooky Arizona - Matt Finley
Kyle Howard - Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf

“- Cindy Jo: Larry, darling, your guests are wondering if you're all right? What's the matter, dear?
- Larry Burrows: My parents are divorced.
- Cindy Jo: Of course they are. Everybody's parents are divorced.”
Rene Russo - Cindy Jo
Jim Belushi - Larry Burrows

“After we get your parents back together, help me split up mine!”

Patrick LaBrecque - Marshall

“I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.”
Brad Pitt - John Smith