“Are we not in America? Isn't Baseball America's favorite pastime?”
Kelly Preston - Jane Aubrey

“- Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
- Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... that's like saying you've never had apple pie.”
Jon Heder - Clark
Rob Schneider - Gus

- Jack Elliot: Any of you guys speak Americano? Jack Elliot here bringing you the best in Major League thrills for the fellas, and free moustache rides for the ladies.
- Hiroko Uchiyama: I have seen "free moustache rides" offered on T-Shirts in America. Always by guys you would not want to ride with.

Tom Selleck - Jack Elliot
Aya Takanashi - Hiroko Uchiyama

“- Ivan Danko: I do not understand this sport.
- Art Ridzik: You're not supposed to, it's completely American.
- Ivan Danko: We play baseball now in Soviet Union.
- Art Ridzik: Are you kidding me? This is our national pastime!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Ivan Danko
Jim Belushi - Art Ridzik

“You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!”
Jennifer Coolidge - Paulette