“- Marta: You seem very intelligent for an American.
- Fred: Well, I'm not.”
Mira Sorvino - Marta Ferrer
Chris Eigeman - Fred Boynton

“- Holly: I left without saying anything. He must think I'm an idiot.
- Denise: Well, you're an American. They expect us to be idiots.”
Hilary Swank - Holly
Lisa Kudrow - Denise

“American voters want their leaders to be dumber than they are. They figure they'll do less harm that way.”
Sam Waterston - Jack Edwards

Well, there were these two old boys and they hung their peckers off a bridge to piss. One old boy from California, the other from Arkansas. The old boy from California says "Boy, this water's cold", and the old boy from Arkansas says "Yeah, and it's deep too". Get it?
Rick Dial - Bill Cox

“- Jamie, Red Feather: Where are you from, Mars?
- Cleo Plendor: Worse. Beverly Hills.”
Tori Spelling - Jamie, Red Feather
Dinah Lacey - Cleo Plendor