“That's right monkey, play my head!”
Peter Dante - Dante

“- Artemus Gordon: I only have one request: That you aim for my heart, my heart which has loved this country so much.
- Dr. Arliss Loveless: Shoot him in the head.
- Artemus Gordon: Damn.”

Kevin Kline - Artemus Gordon
Sir Kenneth Branagh - Dr. Arliss Loveless

“- Nadja: No wonder he has headache!
- Lt. Schooner: Headache? he's got a bullet in him! Carlos, get an ambulance over here right away.”

Joan Plowright - Nadja
James Gammon - Lt. Schooner

“- Evan Baxter: These birds had a big meal earlier.
- Rita: Want me to get my BB gun?”
Steve Carrell - Evan Baxter
Wanda Sykes - Rita

“- Bert: I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.
- Paul: Why would you wanna kill squirrels?
- Bert: 'cause they're gay... I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.”
James DeBello - Bert
Rider Strong - Paul