“That's right monkey, play my head!”
Peter Dante - Dante

“- Artemus Gordon: I only have one request: That you aim for my heart, my heart which has loved this country so much.
- Dr. Arliss Loveless: Shoot him in the head.
- Artemus Gordon: Damn.”

Kevin Kline - Artemus Gordon
Sir Kenneth Branagh - Dr. Arliss Loveless

“- Nadja: No wonder he has headache!
- Lt. Schooner: Headache? he's got a bullet in him! Carlos, get an ambulance over here right away.”

Joan Plowright - Nadja
James Gammon - Lt. Schooner

“- Louis: What? Uh, you're gonna take a flamethrower for a rat?
- Jacques: No, obesity-breath. This is no ordinary flamethrower. See, I modified this baby myself. I just find the rat, aim, and... kazoom.”
Curly Howard - Louis
Frank Moore - Jacques

“I don't think I could ever shoot a gun, I don't care... I can't understand guys like Hart, who go out and shoot things, like Bambi and Thumper... and that cute little skunk?”

Lily Tomlin - Violet Newstead