“- Santa: I think the milk's a little sour.
- Little Girl: It's soy milk.
- Santa: Huh?
- Little Girl: You said you were lactose intolerant.
- Santa: I did say that, didn't I? Thank you for remembering.”

Tim Allen - Scott Calvin
Melissa King - Little Girl

“I am not going to bury my son. My son is going to bury me.”
Denzel Washington - John Quincy Archibald

“Can you believe I conceived him with one testicle? No really, it's true. I only have one because the other one never dropped. It's called an undescending testicle. It's not uncommon. But look at him! Imagine what he would've looked like if I had two!”
Dustin Hoffman - Bernie Focker

“- Jake Shuttlesworth: I want you to go to Big State.
- Jesus Shuttlesworth: You just like everybody else.
- Jake Shuttlesworth: No I'm not like everyone else. Everyone else ain't your father.”
Denzel Washington - Jake Shuttlesworth
Ray Allen - Jesus Shuttlesworth

“- Marlin: I promised I'd never let anything happen to him.
- Dory: Hmm. That's a funny thing to promise.
- Marlin: What?
- Dory: Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.”
Albert Brooks - Marlin
Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Dory