“- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh: The other day Crash called a woman's pu... pussy... um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
- Annie Savoy: Yes, I do.
- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh: Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.”
Tim Robbins - Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh
Susan Sarandon - Annie Savoy

“- Rod Lane: I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina...had your name written all over it.
- Tina Gray: There's four letters in my name, Rod. How can there be enough room on your joint for four letters?”
Jsu Garcia - Rod Lane
Amanda Wyss - Tina Gray

“Penis is the name. Doctor Thesius Lyndon Penis. I accept all major credit cards.”
Michael Richards - Lacrobat

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli