“- Rusty Duritz: When do I learn how to drive?
- Russ Duritz: When you're sixteen.
- Rusty Duritz: When do I get a car?
- Russ Duritz: When you're eighteen.
- Rusty Duritz: When do I get a hickey?
- Russ Duritz: When you're seventeen.
- Rusty Duritz: When do I find out what a hickey is?
- Russ Duritz: Not tonight.”
Spencer Breslin - Rusty Duritz
Bruce Willis - Russ Duritz

“Our children are more capable of retaining and absorbing information than we are and yet we insist on treating them like adorable little morons.”
Rick Moranis - Nathan

“They gotta learn that presents don't just show up under a Christmas tree. I'd like to see these turkeys go out and earn seventeen million dollars. They wouldn't even know where to begin.”

Owen Wilson - Steve

“- Tibby: How old are you, anyway? 10?
- Bailey: I'm 12!
- Tibby: Same difference. - Bailey: No, when I was 10, I didn't have an iPod.
- Tibby: You're so cool. And what do you listen to on there, teletubbies hit parade?”
Amber Tamblyn - Tibby
Jenna Boyd - Bailey

“I'm 57 and 0 baby.”
Eddie Murphy - Kelly