“I hate salesmen. I always have hated salesmen, I always will hate salesmen. They are the ultimate slime of the Earth. I hate being around them. I'd rather brush my teeth and drink orange juice.”
Steve Oedekerk - Thane Furrows

“- Insurance Salesman: It's not really what I'm selling. But what I have to offer.
- Thane Furrows: What do you have to offer that happens to cost money?
- Insurance Salesman: I offer security.
- Thane Furrows: Insurance.”
Fred Willard - Insurance Salesman
Steve Oedekerk - Thane Furrows

“Do you know he's one of the richest men in the country? And he got that way selling cheap gags and Halloween masks. Oh God, there's hope for us yet.”

Jadeen Barbor - Betty Kupfer

“Here's a little item I think you might go for in a big way - Dragonteeth mines. Made in the US and used successfully in Vietnam, I might add. These little honeys won't kill ya', but they're guaranteed to take a foot off. Take a couple of samples, take 'em home, see if you like'em, let me know how many you need. Okay?”

Chevy Chase - Eddie Muntz

“25% off. Everything must go. Maybe even you. ”
Katt Williams - Money Mike