“- Joe: You're not a girl! You're a guy! And why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
- Jerry: For security!”
Tony Curtis - Joe
Jack Lemmon - Jerry

“- Wayne Carter: I never argue - with a lady.
- Flower Belle Lee: Play it safe, huh?”
Dick Foran - Wayne Carter
Mae West - Flower Belle Lee

“Let me stay close. Nothing can happen to me when I'm with you.”

Jessica Alba - Nancy Callahan

“- King Gustav: Really? That often? You must have collected several tails.
- Ralph: I admit I slept with a few. But I'm not like that anymore. Nowadays you can't be too careful. You don't know who they've been with.”

Julian Glover - King Gustav
John Goodman - Ralph

“Excuse me, I understand what you were saying to Natalie was personal. Well, I'm involved with her now so this is personal too; you hurt her and I'll hit you so fucking hard your dog will bleed, okay?”

Ed O'Neill - Dutch Dooley