“- Stan Bobcruz: Do the pattern breathing, come on.
- Darcy Elliot Bobrucz: Screw the pattern breathing, I want a painkiller!”

Randall Batinkoff - Stan Bobrucz
Molly Ringwald - Darcy Elliot Bobrucz

“- Samantha Taylor: That looks bad, have you taken anything for it?
- George Webber: Yes, I took four of your birth control pills, I hope that's okay.
- Samantha Taylor: Try an antihistimine.
- George Webber: I don't like those, they make me pregnant.”

Julie Andrews - Samantha Taylor
Dudley Moore - George Webber

“- Rosie Morales: I'm pregnant… Well aren't you gonna say anything?
- Bob Morales: What's there to say? It's not my first. Or my last.”
Elizabeth Peña - Rosie Morales
Esai Morales - Bob Morales

“- Pepi Katona: I would say it's a nervous breakdown. What do you think?
- Doctor: It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.
- Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?”

William Tracy - Pepi Katona
Edwin Maxwell - Doctor

“I'll tell you my approach to medicine! It is a game in which man pits his brains against the forces of destruction and disease.”

Claude Rains - Dr. Alexander Tower