“- Chandler Young: What is your background?
- Jack Hartounian: My father was Armenian. My other was half Jewish, half English, half Spanish.
- Chandler Young: That's three halves.
- Jack Hartounian: Oh, she was a big woman.”
Robert Stack - Chandler Young
Jackie Mason - Jack Hartounian

“- Mary: Think soothing thoughts...rabid bats, black death, mummy's scorpion pie.
- Sanderson sisters: Mother.”
Kathy Najimy - Mary
Bette Midler - Winifred
Sarah Jessica Parker - Sarah

“You're not ashamed of me. You're really ashamed of yourself. Tell Lulu, easy on the chronic.”
Jodi Long - Korean Mother

“Mother. Father. Family.”
Sir Ian Holm - Capitaine Phillippe D'Arnot

“Your Dad's kind of a sad guy, your brother's kinda missing that thing, that thing that having a mom gives you, it's a lonely house you got if you don't mind me saying.”
Natalie Portman - Marty