“- Elise Elliot Atchison: Should I have done your homework, Bill! I did. By the way, here's a copy of her birth certificate.
- Bill Atchison: I didn't know... God! What are you going to do?
- Elise Elliot Atchison: What am I gonna do? Well, for now I'm just going to say the f word... Felony.”

Goldie Hawn - Elise Elliot Atchison
Victor Garber - Bill Atchison

“Hi. I’m Eep. In my defense, I had been living in a cave my whole life, and I didn’t really come across other people very often, let alone a boy! And to think, the only two teenagers in the world, and we found each other. It’s like fate brought us together. My whole family loved him, except for dad. But eventually, Guy won him over.”
Emma Stone - Eep

“That man is an ass. But he's got this really sweet girlfriend. God knows what she found to love about him, but she does. He cheats on her like a nutter.”
Matthew Goode - Heck

“I see a boy and a girl in love and kissing, you know. I just see that they're gonna be one of those sad old couples one day who just cheats on each other and can't even look at each other in the eye.”

Ryan Gosling - Leland P. Fitzgerald

“How can you connect in an age where strangers, landlords, lovers, your own blood cells betray?”
Anthony Rapp - Mark Cohen