“- Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.
- John: Convicted? No.
- Russell: Never convicted.”

William Lucking - Recruiter
Bill Murray - John
Harold Ramis - Russell

“- Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
- Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
- Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
- Applicant: I like rape.”
Harvey Korman - Hedley Lamarr

“I once asked Moore what's worse than rape. Now I know. Betrayal.”
John Travolta - Paul Brenner

“There are five basic contaminants in a crime scene. I'll skip to the worse one. Other cops.”
Denzel Washington - Lincoln Rhyme

“Criminals are as unpredictable as head colds. You never know when you're going to catch one.”
Robert Stephens - Sherlock Holmes