“I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis and a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.”
Cameron Diaz - Lotte Schwartz

“- Sinead Mulligan: Now it can be revealed. I have very small breasts.
- Gerry Boyle: That's okay, I have a very small penis.”
Sarah Greene - Sinead Mulligan
Brendan Gleeson - Gerry Boyle

“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre

“- Osmosis Jones: What the heck is a uvula?
- Drix: It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...
- Osmosis Jones: Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!
- Drix: Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones
David Hyde Pierce - Drix

“- Helen Gordon: You're making a noise.
- Harold Anderson: That's my penis. It hums.
- Helen Gordon: I guess it doesn't know the words. Well, I can teach it a few.”
Linda Fiorentino - Helen Gordon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson