“- Sam Rubinstein: How am I today? The same, only worse. Every day I know less.
- Robert McCall: Welcome to the club.”
Orson Bean - Sam Rubinstein
Denzel Washington - Robert McCall

“- Lt. Topper Harley: So... I guess you've been with a man before...
- Ramada Thompson: I'm a virgin. I'm just not very good at it.”
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley
Valeria Golino - Ramada Thompson

“- Jim Levenstein: Nadia will be expecting filet mignon, okay, and all I'm going to be able to give her is rump roast.
- Oz: What are you so worried about? You've had experience since Nadia.
- Jim Levenstein: Ah, yes. You would be referring to the flute fetish band geek, who made me her bitch, and ditched me after prom.”
Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
Chris Klein - Oz

“I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience”
Max Greenfield - Schmidt

“- Stacy: When you're with a guy, you're not just sleeping with him, you're sleeping with everyone they've had sex with.
- Ilene: And everyone they've had sex with.
- Melissa: Gee, I'm a lot more experienced than I thought I was!”
Lea Thompson - Stacy
Mary Gross - Ilene
Victoria Jackson - Melissa