“You shouldn't kiss a girl when you're wearing that gun... leaves a bruise.”

Claire Trevor - Helen Grayle

“- PC Danny Butterman: I can't believe I shot someone.
- Nicholas Angel: He's a doctor, he can deal with it.”
Nick Frost - PC Danny Butterman
Simon Pegg - Nicholas Angel

“Are you digging for potatoes?”

Adrien Brody - Count Nicolas De La Motte

“- Ted Eckles: Why the hell not?
- Clay Derris: To keep clients from shooting things they shouldn't.”

Bill Armstrong - Ted Eckles
August Zirner - Clay Derris

“- Doctor: Well, you need to tell that idiot who shot you that he better take some shooting lessons!
- Earl Crest: Now, don't be too disappointed, Doc.”
Larry Hovis - Doctor
Joshua Carter Jackson - Earl Crest