“- Brian Taylor: This is my day job. Some of you might know me as Brian or Taylor, but here I am Police Officer 2 Brian Taylor. This is where the forces of good prepare to fight the forces of evil. This is my partner, Officer Zavala.
- Mike Zavala: I'm on my chones, dude.”
Jake Gyllenhaal - Brian Taylor
Michael Peña - Mike Zavala

“- Turner Kendall: He's a hair dresser.
- Alex Sternbergen: That's what he does, that's not what he is.”

Jeff Bridges - Turner Kendall
Jane Seymour Fonda - Alex Sternbergen

“Psychiatrist by day, party animal by night.”

Leah Cairns - Sara Pollard

“I think you should know from the start that I am a full-charged nanny. I don't argue and I do not like to be argued with.”

Carol Gillies - Helga Von Haupt

“Don't worry about it. They always hire bums like me for jobs like this.”

Michael Paré - Tom Cody