“I’ll have a single shot of whiskey, and a double shot of whiskey and she'll have a water. Oh, what the hell, it's our anniversary. bring her a pepsi.”
J.D. Evermore - Redneck

“- Birthday Woman: Oh, Ronnie Dobbs. You are brilliant. You have to do me a favor.
- Ronnie Dobbs: At your service.
- Birthday Woman: Tell me to fuck off.
- Ronnie Dobbs: Huh?
- Birthday Woman's Friend: Come on, it's her birthday.
- Ronnie Dobbs: Alright. Fuck you, bitch.”
Laura Kightlinger - Birthday Woman
David Cross - Ronnie Dobbs
Jeff Garlin - Birthday Woman's friend

“Maybe I'm drunk. Tomorrow I'll be sober, but he will always be a faggot.”

Jean-Claude Van Damme - Alex

“- Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
- Ellen Griswold: Oh, we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
- Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?”
Imogene Coca - Aunt Edna
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Isabel Kelly: Why don't we name the puppy?
- Anna Harrison: I know: Isabel.
- Isabel: I beg your pardon?
- Anna Harrison: Well, it kind of smells like you, and I'm allergic to you too, so it fits perfectly.”
Julia Roberts - Isabel Kelly
Jena Malone - Anna Harrison