“We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game, we just don't know when that's gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we're all told.”
Barry Moss - Scout Barry

“- Texas Man: Am I going too fast for ya?
- Pistachio Disguisey: Am I going to fast for ya?
- Texas Wife: Are you mocking my husband?
- Pistachio Disguisey: Are you mocking my husband?
- Texas Wife: ‘Cuz you better not be.
- Pistachio Disguisey: ‘Cuz you better not be.”
Robert Machray - Texas Man
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey
Rachel Lederman - Texas Wife

“Pass, shoot, score!”
Chris Koch - Mark Pavelich

“- Margaret Wade: You guys are the boring ones. There's lots to do.
- Dennis Mitchell: Oh, really? Like what?
- Margaret Wade: We could practice singing songs. Or put on a play, or a puppet show.
- Joey: We could bury you alive.
- Margaret Wade: I could pound your face.”
Amy Sakasitz - Margaret Wade
Mason Gamble - Dennis Mitchell
Kellen Hathaway - Joey

“Gentleman, you know the ground rules. So shake hands and let's have a good, clean ballgame.”
Michael A. Lynch - Chief Umpire