“- Barry: This is the Joseph H. Nelson Memorial Library, here. Okay? It was built in the 1600s.
- Student in the Tour: 1600s? It says it was built in 1951.
- Barry: That's the address. Okay? Wise-ass.”
Tom Greening - Barry

“- Wade Harper: We're going back to build our fences.
- Judge Roy Bean: If you do, you better build coffins with them.”
Forrest Tucker - Wade Harper
Walter Brennan - Judge Roy Bean

“- Jonathan Safran Foer: What is it?
- Alex: Soviets.
- Jonathan Safran Foer: What happened?
- Alex: Independence.”

Elijah Wood - Jonathan Safran Foer
Eugene Hutz - Alex

“Do you know how many abandoned buildings we have in Detroit? How are you supposed to take pride in your neighborhood with shit like that next door? And does the city tear them down? No, they too busy building casinos and taking money from the people.”

De'Angelo Wilson - DJ Iz

“If you gave back every stolen artifact from a museum, you'd be left with an empty building.”

James Garner - Commander Lyle Tiberius Rourke