“Hey, kids, it's me. I bet you thought that I was dead. But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head. Ha ha ha.”
Shane Farberman - Clown

“- Michael Berkow: We were playing. She bumped her head.
- Adam Berkow: Bumped? She's got a fuckin' spike in her head!”

Jeremy Piven - Michael Berkow
Daniel Stern - Adam Berkow

“- Levin: Do you want the third one?
- Arkady Renko: We have no idea what the big man looked like. Besides, how many do you think I can carry?
- Levin: Just so long as you know what to say if they stop you in the street.”

Henry Woolf - Levin
William Hurt - Arkady Renko

“- Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: This is not good.
- Martini: Never thought there'd be a worse way to die than a shark attack. Having my head ripped off never occurred to me.
- Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Where is his head?
- Det. Hollingsworth: It's over there by the sink.”

Tom Sizemore - Lt. Vincent D'Agosta
Gene Davis - Martini
Clayton Rohner - Det. Hollingsworth

“[as Gammy Num-Nums] We don't want to go anywhere with you, Melon Head!”
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey