“Women act like men, then they complain men don't want them.”
James Marsters - John

“- Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!
- Marcus Copeland: You, are in big trouble!
- Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland
Marlon Wayans - Marcus Copeland

- Sergeant Dillard: [Claude won't dig, and complains that it's too hot] You tell that lazy jigaboo the State of Mississippi ain't interested in his meteorological assessments!
- Hoppin' Bob: Listen up, jigaboo! State of Mississippi ain't interested in your, your, uh "metacological assessments"!
Nick Cassavetes - Sergeant Dillard
Brent Jennings - Hoppin' Bob

“- John Gustafson: You won't even know I'm here.
- Max Goldman: That's because you won't be here.”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“There are no victims in this classroom.”
Michelle Pfeiffer - Louanne Johnson