“- Dr. Louis Judd: Why would she wish to harm you?
- Alice Moore: Because I'm in love with her husband.”

Tom Conway - Dr. Louis Judd
Jane Randolph - Alice Moore

“You seem to be taking it pretty good. I've seen 'em come in here, weep and wail like Baptists at a funeral. Like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't fooling around.”

Cedric the Entertainer - Gus Petch

“- Matt Freehauf: Buddy is a married man. By all accounts, happily.
- Mavis Gary: Yeah, happily married men go to bars alone with their ex-girlfriends all the time. They call them privately and they make out with them on porches.”
Patton Oswalt - Matt Freehauf
Charlize Theron - Mavis Gary

“There will be no penis between us!”

Lonette McKee - Drew

“You expect me to believe that scantily clad, in the arms of another man, in the middle of the night, inside an elephant you were rehearsing?”

Richard Roxburgh - The Duke