- Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women.
- Andy: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the Seventh Degree Imperial Yo-Yo Master. "Ooh, do me, Yo-Yo Master, I want you to do me cause you're the yo-yo guy!".
Seth Rogen - Cal
Steve Carrell - Andy

“- Michael 'Mike' Williams: What are some of your favorite things to do?
- Heather Donahue: Well, on Sundays I used to like to go hiking, but now...”
Michael 'Mike' Williams - Himself
Heather Donahue - Herself

“- Coulmier: But why must you indulge in his pornography?
- Madeleine: It's a hard days' wages slaving away for madmen, what I've seen in life - it takes a lot to hold my interest.”
Joaquin Phoenix - Coulmier
Kate Winslet - Madeleine

“- Jenny Lerner: I want exclusivity.
- President Beck: Now listen, young lady. This is a presidential favour. I'm letting you go because I don't want another headache. And I'm trusting you because I know what this can do for your career. Now, it may seem like we have each other over the same barrel but it just seems that way.”

Téa Leoni - Jenny Lerner
Morgan Freeman - President Beck

“I am lived a wild life as a child. I made wings from canvas and bamboo. I wished to navigate the atmosphere like a bird; instead I studied gravity, and plunged forty feet from the mill roof.”
John Carroll Lynch - Artist