“- Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: What's with the chewing gum?
- Philippe Roaché: It makes us look more American.”
Matthew Broderick - Dr. Niko Tatopoulos
Jean Reno - Philippe Roaché

“Satan wears many guises. At times, he is the singer of a lurid song you hear on the radio. At times, the author of a salacious novel. The quiet man in the schoolyard, asking your children if he might join their game...and at times, the maker of sweet things, mere trifles, for what could seem more harmless, more innocent, than chocolate?”

Hugh O'Conor - Father Henri

“- Cole: What the hell kind of brownies are these ?
- Charlie Conway: I gotta tell her to stop using the horse turds in the recipe.”

Michael Cudlitz - Cole
Joshua Carter Jackson - Charlie Conway

“- David Leary: What is this?
- Clark: Hot Dish.
- David Leary: What's Hot Dish?
- Clark: Well, last week we had lasagna, then it become spaghetti and when it's finally unrecognizable, they call it Hot Dish.”

Rick Moranis - David Leary
Curtis Armstrong - Clark

“- Sandy Lidz: I can't eat these.
- Amelia: Why not?
- Sandy Lidz: They look like doodie cakes.”
Kendra Krull - Sandy Lidz
Celia Weston - Amelia