“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
Sacha Guitry

“I'll tell you one thing that happens when you get married, you have to give up your old friends. Cause the wife wants you to get new friends. New friends - nope. It's you and me. You and me, buddy, we got secrets she'll never know. Never know. Those new friends will never be as good. Nope! Cause we've - we've got a history. History!”
Steve Guttenberg - Edward 'Eddie' Simmons

“We weren't as fortunate as most people. We would've had one of our own, only... you don't know how badly my wife wanted a child. It wasn't so important to me. I suppose most men are like this but children never meant a great deal to me.”

Cary Grant - Roger Adams

“- Marcus Penn: +1. It could be his girl or a child.
- Travis Dane: Maybe it's wife or something.
- Marcus Penn: Man doesn't call his wife +1.
- Travis Dane: So, what? We're looking for some babe?
- Marcus Penn: Some bait.”

Everett McGill - Marcus Penn
Eric Bogosian - Travis Dane

“I have good looking kids; thank god my wife cheats on me.”
Rodney Dangerfield