“- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I would not kill the Jews. No. I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death!
- Jeff Dunham: Achmed, stop doing that! You can't tell jokes like that!
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Why not? I'm killing... so to speak!”
Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“Civil rights is one thing. This here is something else.”
Isabel Sanford - Tillie

“I don't care to see a member of my own race getting above himself.”
Isabel Sanford - Tillie

“This appears - mind you, I say appears - to be properly drawn. But you shan't have this man. A man isn't a piece of property. Mr. Stone is an American citizen... and an American citizen cannot be forced into the service of a foreign prince.”

Edward Arnold - Daniel Webster

“We are not animals, we are men. That is the foundation of law - you cannot win. Where are your courts? Your judges? And your juries? Until you bring them forward, I must forbid you my house.”

Morris Carnovsky - Sixtus Andresen