“- Jan: I mean, everybody thinks I'm this big dyke because... 'cause I wear baggy pants, I play softball, and... and I'm not as pretty as other girls, but that doesn't make me gay. I mean, I like guys. I can't help it. I just want a big fat wiener up my...
- Andre: Amen, sister.”
Katrina Phillips - Jan
Douglas Spain - Andre

“It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls.”
Jessica Campbell - Tammy Metzler

“- Doctor: Now you be careful, Earl, or else my grandson might just steal that pretty gal of yours away from you.
- Jimbo: Gramps, I ain't gonna steal Earl's gal, I'm gay.”
Larry Hovis - Doctor
Matthew Davis - Jimbo

“Darling, I am more man than you will ever be, and more woman than you will ever get.”

Philip Seymour Hoffman - Rusty

“- Tori: I am so glad I got waxed today.
- Karen: Ugh, me too. What did you get?
- Tori: The Bald Eagle.
- Karen: I got the Bermuda Triangle.
- Lisa: The Landing Strip.
- Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I got the Buckwheat.”
Jessica Cauffiel - Tori
Busy Philipps - Karen
Jennifer Carpenter - Lisa
Marlon Wayans - Marcus Copeland