“- Victor Thigpen: Ricky, think my mom's gonna like her?
- Ricky Wade: I don't know... but your dad's gonna love her!”

Brad Grunberg - Victor Thigpen
Corey Feldman - Ricky Wade

“- Tom Baker: You were checking me out, weren't you?
- Kate Baker: Yes, I was. You got a problem with that?
- Tom Baker: Twelve kids later and we still got the heat.”
Steve Martin - Tom Baker
Bonnie Hunt - Kate Baker

“The trouble with kids is they always figure they're smarter than their parents.”
William Demarest - Constable Edmund Kockenlocker

“- Michael Cromwell: You sound like an idiot.
- Richard Kempster: I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot! I have spent every day for the last 12 years worrying about my kids. About their safety, about their happiness, about their crooked teeth.”

Tim Allen - Michael Cromwell
Martin Hayter Short - Richard Kempster

“We don't just mediate between warring partners. We also check up the child itself psychologically. How does the child deal with the conflicts? Our advice is always binding. Don't take this the wrong way, but you left them. They didn't leave you. You left for another woman. For now, we see no reason to give you custody.”

Nelly Frijda - Dr. Ellis K.P.R.