“- Harold: What the hell was Colin doing with a Lime'ouse minicab driver in Belfast?
- Jeff: Colin can't drive.
- Harold: Oh, that makes sense.”
Bob Hoskins - Harold
Derek Thompson - Jeff

“- Hans Zarba: One of my passengers is hurt.
- Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No wonder; the way you drive, you are lucky they are not all dead.”
Robert Davi - Hans Zarba
Herbert Lom - Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus

“- Cindy: Girls have to do everything. Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex. It starts with them trying to unhook our bras, fumbling around, and it never changes. Wait until they try to put their dick into you.
- Diana: Please don't say they need help with that.
- Cindy: Always.”
Kristen Miller - Cindy
Jessica Driscoll - Diana, Principal's Secretary

“- Larry Johnson: Y'know, maybe there is nothin' wrong with us, maybe it's just in our heads.
- Muggsy Bogues: Yeah, we're all right. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or something to do with the alignment of the Moon or another planet.”

Larry Johnson - Himself
Tyrone Bogues - Muggsy Bogues

“I had a date with a pilot last night. Couldn't get my seat back in the upright position. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't.”
Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Janet Hall