“- Captain Monica Stark: Mrs. Forrest, what were you doing at 9 PM last night?
- Mrs. Forrest: What any woman should be doing at 9 PM. Needlepoint!”
Charles Busch - Captain Monica Stark
Beth Broderick - Mrs. Ruth Forrest

- Amanda Brooks: Walt, checkout the headlights on the blonde. How'd you like to play "hide the salami" with that for about a week? Ugh, but not me Walt, you. What, you don't think that's a perfectly legitimate question?
- Walter Stone: Coming from a guy, maybe.
Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
Jimmy Smits - Walter Stone

“- Melvin Udall: Can I ask you a personal question?
- Simon Bishop: Sure.
- Melvin Udall: You ever get an erection over a woman?”
Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall
Greg Kinnear - Simon Bishop

“He ain't all there is he?”

Dermot Mulroney - Dirty Steve Stephens

“Any question you ever have, the answer you'll find in nature.”
Armin Mueller-Stahl - Doc