- Herman: Boy, that Dick sure knows how to drink, huh?
- Frank Cross: Why do you keep calling me "Dick"?
- Herman: I'm sorry, Mr. Burton, I guess we don't know you well enough yet to call you Dick.
Michael J. Pollard - Herman
Bill Murray - Frank Cross

“No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!”
Chip Zien - Howard T. Duck

“- Peggy Ann Snow: Were you laughing every second?
- Corky: Peg, I...
- Peggy Ann Snow: Was I funny, you bastard son-of-a-bitch?”
Ann-Margret - Peggy Ann Snow
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Corky

“- Chance: Geez, you are laughing at me!
- Delilah: No, I'm laughing with you.
- Chance: I knew that.”
Michael J. Fox - Chance
Carla Gugino - Delilah

“There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel.”
Joan Crawford - Crystal Allen